Chapter Two - Dating disasters and other delights

So this week I am kind of following on a little bit from last week – talking about this blog. One of my friends messaged me after reading last weeks post, kind of concerned that I refer to my new person only by his initial, or simply as my new person. She thought that for someone so important in my world to only be referred to by an initial, was perhaps disrespectful or maybe a concern. It is absolutely not that, but I thought that I should explain why I do that to all of you who are following along too.

For me, not using people’s names has been an intentional choice that I made right at the beginning of telling my story. The only people that are actually referred to by name are those that have died. It is a way to remember them, to keep them real.

I actually have a couple of reasons for not using anyone else’s names, and they are quite deliberately thought out. Firstly,  this is my story – obviously I am not alone in my world – there are so many of you that are part of it, but I am the central character. It is my story, from my perspective, my feelings and my process with grief. Different people play different roles at various times, but it is my story, so that is where I want to keep the focus.

The second reason is that it is really important to me to protect the privacy of the people that I do talk about in my story. Not everyone who reads this blog needs to have all of the details of all of the people involved; and not everyone I refer to is happy to have their comment, story, idea or wherever else it might be shared in such an obvious way. Often it takes a while for me to ruminate of something that has happened or been said before I decide to write about it, and the other person or people involved don’t even remember what it was that got said. – And my kids would most definitely not be impressed at being named – as it is, they think I am entirely too weird with all the things I do!

Not using someone’s name is in no way meant to disrespect them, or to minimise their role in my world. I am so very lucky to have so many amazing people that love and support me, and I can say with 100% certainty that this journey would have been so much harder without the encouragement and grounding that I get from you. Sometimes it would be a whole lot easier to use people’s names rather then circling around them, but for me it would take something away from what all of this is for me – a way to clear my head and process what I am feeling.

 

 

This week I wanted to talk about this blog and what it means to me. When I first started writing, my plan was to tell a bunch of funny stories about my foray into the dating world. I wanted it to be kind of light hearted and maybe funny. I think I did that for a few of them and then it kind of evolved into a way for me to talk about Claytie and what I was feeling; my grief and moving forward, and the things that were happening in my world. Since the first few posts, I haven’t really had too much of a plan… it really is just the things that are at the top of my mind when I sit down to write and the stuff that is happening in my world.

I’m sure that for some people, it can be a bit confusing… one minute I’m desperately sad and talking all things grief, and then the next I’m having a fabulous time doing all kinds of stuff with my friends and with my new person. Trust me when I tell you that that is exactly how it is in my brain too!! Claytie is part of every single thing I do – and I can’t imagine that will ever change. We met when I was 17. We were together for 28 years, and married for 25 of those before he died. We have 4 amazing boys together. That is not something I can or ever want to switch off… but it doesn’t mean that I can’t or don’t want to have a new life with my new person as well.

I’m incredibly lucky to have met a fabulous person that has brought so much back into my life that I thought I would never have again. He is exactly the person I want in my world now. We can, and have done big things together, but we also really enjoy the ‘nothing’ things, the lazy weekend doing chores around the house stuff that is part of life. The stuff that is everyday and that you really miss when it’s gone.

For me in my brain, these two parts of my life kind of run parallel to each other, my love and grief for Claytie and the love I have now – and neither takes away from the other. They are completely seperate relationships and feelings. They can’t and shouldn’t be compared in any way because that wouldn’t be fair to either one. I find the difference pretty clear in my mind but I zig zag like a crazy person between the two. Happy and sad go hand in hand for me now, and I don’t think that will change anytime soon. Obviously I am who I am now because of Claytie and the life that we had. I will never not be sad that that life is over, but it doesn’t mean that my new person isn’t getting 100% of what I have left to give.

I have no idea if what I’m doing is right or wrong – there isn’t really a right or a wrong. All I can do is to keep being true to myself, and letting myself feel what I need to and when I need to; and that means (for now at least) this blog will continue on the rollercoaster with me. I don’t know any other way to do it; I guess it really just is what it is x

This week I went to a widow support group catch up – the first one I have been to for a couple of months, and it was really nice… I know that sounds like an odd choice of word for a widow support group, but it is always a good thing to go to, and I get a whole lot from it! It’s kind of a way for me to calibrate my feelings – to get the reassurance that I need, that I am ok and that what I am feeling is ok.

It’s always interesting to see where the conversation goes, all kinds of things get talked about, but often there seems to be a common theme that runs through the various chats. This time, the topic of clothes and belongings seemed to be a big thing – specifically what to do with them and when! I have been really lucky… it’s not something I have had to (or wanted to) look at yet. Clayties things are kind of just there and not a worry for me, but for others in the conversation it has been a much bigger thing.

One of the people – new to the group, was asking about ‘when is the right time to do it’… and overwhelmingly the response was ‘when you are ready!’. One person said that for them it was something they needed to do almost immediately after the death of their person – within the week! For others it was a couple of months later. Some had to do it much sooner than they were ready for due to having to move out of their space. There was also a common thread a feeling that by giving or throwing away items belonging to their person, they were disposing their person and their memory. That they were somehow ‘getting rid of more of their person’ than their death has done.

It’s a weird feeling, and a much weirder thing to try and explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it for themselves. Random objects and things almost become the person, and that keeping them is a sort of denial of their death. If a toothbrush is still in the bathroom, or a shirt stays crumpled on a chair, they might somehow come back to claim them. We all know that it’s not real, but there is a comfort in the illusion.

For me, Clayties clothes are in a cupboard that I don’t need for anything else right now. The boys and I have all gone through (and still do quite often) and pulled out the things that we all wanted for ourselves. I have a pile of his tshirts that I sleep in, the boys have all chosen the things that they have wanted to keep, and the rest of the things are neatly folded, just like before.

Every so often I check in with the boys to see if they are ready to donate the stuff, but at this stage no one has wanted to do that, so we haven’t. I’m lucky to have the luxury of time… I don’t have to move and I don’t need the space for anything else, so for now we will leave things as they are. I am sure that when the time does come, it will be hard! So many memories that feature some of his favourite clothes. Occasions that they were worn at, or holidays that they were bought at… or just the ridiculousness of the 100 shirts that came from Kmart because they were marked down (he did love a bargain!).

The biggest thing I have learned from other widows, and that is reinforced every time I go to a support group, is that there is no right or wrong with grief… it is just whatever is right or wrong for you!

This week, D and I had a recovery holiday from our trip – at least that’s what we’re calling it! A couple of months ago, well before our trip, D organised for us to go whale watching at Hervey Bay. I had been given a gift voucher for some hotel accommodation as a birthday gift from some amazing friends, and thus our recovery holiday came about! It was fabulous!

We started the weekend with a side trip to watch the Squish at soccer practice, and I have to tell you it is just about the very cutest thing I have ever seen!! 6 or so tiny humans playing all kinds of organised games that teach them motor skills, colours, counting and so much more… it is absolute chaos!! It is also one of those bittersweet moments, knowing how much Claytie would have loved this kind of stuff!

Following soccer, we managed to hit the road for the drive to Hervey Bay by about 9am, and prayed to the weather gods that the rainy, cold conditions at home wouldn’t follow us up the coast… it was a pretty miserable morning! Luckily by the time we reached Gympie the clouds were clearing, and the rest of the drive was much nicer! We checked into our hotel and managed a nap (with the footy grand final playing in the background) before going for a walk to explore the area. It was a lovely, relaxed way to spend the afternoon!

Sunday morning had us up early for Brekky, before heading to the marina to get on our boat. It was the last trip out for this years season… most of the whales have already started the migration back south, but there were still plenty about, and we were very lucky to see what we did. The weather was not the greatest, and the bay was quite rough… thankfully we had taken motion sickness medication with our Brekky, but it ended up a spectacular day anyway!

We headed out from Hervey Bay towards K’Gari Island. The waters in the bay are quite shallow with lots of sandbars so it was a zig zaggy, rolling with the waves kind of trip, but the scenery more than made up for it! We saw dingos on the beach, a pod of dolphins swimming along side of us at one stage, and then a giant loggerhead turtle before we reached our first whales. This late in the season, you usually find big females with their babies, as well as some of the older males who act as escorts. We got to see a couple of big mammas with their babies, teaching them to breach and slapping their pectoral fins. Apparently the fins are one third of the length of the whale, so we were able to estimate just how big the Mammas were! A fully grown female humpback whale can grow as long as 17 meters and weigh as much as 36 tonnes!!

We stayed with different pods for various lengths of time, until they dived deeper and we couldn’t see them, or until a different pod caught our attention. At one stage during the day we had whales on all sides of the boat… it was hard to know which way to look! The best part of the whole experience, for me, was when a mum, baby and a male ‘escort’ all came right up to the boat to check all of us out. We ended up covered in ‘whale snot’… other wise known as the spray that comes with their exhale! … sounds kind of gross, but was actually pretty amazing! Looking into their eyes while they were watching us and seeing the scratches and barnacles on their fins was pretty awe inspiring! It is the best kind of magic!

All up, our trip lasted for around 6 hours, with food and drinks included. Being the last trip for the season also meant that our boat was only about half full, so plenty of space to walk around and see the whales on all sides! I have only ever done much shorter trips, closer to home, but will absolutely come back and do this one again in the middle of the season next year! It is hard to put into words just how phenomenal it is to be out in the ocean watching these amazing creatures go about their day.

We got to have another slow start, and a walk along the pier at Urangan, before doing the drive back home. Although we did interrupt our drive home with a stop at the Sunshine Coast, for a yummy lunch of fresh prawns at the beach and a swim followed with an ice cream! Even though this getaway was only three days, it was a perfect, relaxing recovery holiday! … I feel incredibly lucky to have had so many fabulous experiences this year. Now it’s back to the real world and working to save for the next adventure!

I have been a bit slack this week – I am late with the blog! Even though I have not been super busy, somehow the time has just got away from me! I have noticed that since Claytie died, that kind of stuff seems to happen more and more often…. I will sit down with a whole list of things that I need to do, and then somehow several hours have passed and I have not managed to do any of them! I seem to have become very skilled at procrastination, and it is incredibly frustrating. I’m pretty sure at the moment it ties in with post holiday blues, but I also think a lot of it is to do with my grief.

“Grief is the natural reaction of profound sadness that arises from loss – Grief fatigue is the emotional or physical reaction that comes with grief. Scientists have worked out that emotional pain activates the same kinds of triggers in the human brain as physical pain, and therefore it is common that people dealing with significant loss will feel ongoing exhaustion and lethargy. Changes in sleep patterns, appetite and other disruptions caused by grief will often lead to ongoing fatigue, and people who are grieving also tend to develop vulnerable immune systems, making them much more susceptible to ongoing illnesses”…. Taken from a variety of sources online in the ‘Dr Google’ search for answers!

I have spoken to a lot of people within the widows support group who have all experienced a whole lot of these things, and while it is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like this, I feel frustrated that I cant seem to shake it! To be fair, I am not all bad all the time, but I do find myself noticing it more now than I did in the early days after Claytie died. I also feel like it is really, really hard to look too far into the future, and to plan “real” things. I am happy to say that it has become much easier to imagine and plan grand trips and holidays – especially after just coming home from one, but some of the day to day stuff is still really vague. I know that is a trauma response – We had so many plans for the future that died with Claytie, and it is hard to look ahead knowing that things can change in a heartbeat, but at what point does that change and get easier to do?

These days it is like I have a limited amount of energy, and most days it gets used up getting through the day. I probably shouldn’t beat myself up over the ‘brain is switched off’ times, and just be more organised for when I do have the energy!! Anyway, that’s where I’m at today… tomorrow will probably be a whole other story, and the weekend will be another adventure! I guess this is just all part of the rollercoaster… or in the words of one of my favourite people – it is what it is!

Well, this week has been back down to earth with a bump! Jet lag has been horrible. A couple of nights I was lucky to get three hours sleep, and then others I slept all the way through… fortunately I didn’t have to go back to work until Thursday! There has been a whole lot of time spent reflecting on all of the things that we did, and the amazing time that we had … as well as thinking ahead to what our next adventure will be! … and then there’s me being me!- I have just had this truly fabulous holiday, and experienced things that I couldn’t have imagined… and underneath it all, for almost 2/3 of it, had been this stupid niggling anxiety!

Just before we left for our trip, on my wedding anniversary (the fourth one without Claytie) actually, I went for a job interview. It was for a positions still with Queensland health, but completely different to what I have done before. It was a role within the prison system.

I went to Wacol, which is home to a whole bunch of Queenslands prisons – Men, women, kids and the forensic mental health facilities. It was quite an intimidating process – I had to complete 32 pages of security screening information just for the interview. I came very close to cancelling the interview at least 3 times on the day, but kept telling myself I had nothing to lose by going.

The interview itself was fairly standard. Questions around time management, dealing with difficult people/situations, my strengths and weaknesses… pretty straightforward and I did well with it, although by the end, I was not entirely sure that I would want to work there.

The role and the environment are understandably very restrictive. No phones allowed in, they would supply all meals and beverages to avoid contraband being brought into the site, and security screening going in and out each day. A huge adjustment on top of getting to know a whole bunch of new people. I left it in the category of – if I get what I want it’s meant to be, if not, then that’s ok too!

A week or so later I got a phone call to say that they had a full time position to offer me, or one that was a couple of days less each week than I could afford (my ideal is 4 days per week), so in this case I declined the position based on the hours, but would be merit listed for future roles. … it felt like a perfect solution – I got the feel good factor of knowing I was good enough, but I didn’t have to make a hard decision about changing my job! I thought it was a very neat and tidy outcome.

In a plot twist tho, the day before we flew out on our holiday, I got a call from them offering me a contract for 9 months with my preferred hours. It is incredibly flattering to feel that wanted by an employer – they created this role just for me!… so I said yes. I got quite caught up in the moment and contacted my boss, was given permission to go on another secondment (something that was a bit unexpected and that I was quite surprised by)… and it seemed like everything was neatly falling into place. I would come back from my trip and go straight into this new job…. Simple!

Wrong!…. Every time I thought about or told anyone that this is what was happening, I just felt sick! Initially I thought it’s just me, this is what I always do when there is a big change, especially since Claytie died and that I would be fine once I got going. In the end tho, I decided that this much anxiety is just not worth it, and to trust my gut. So, from somewhere in the wilds of Scotland, emails got sent and I declined the position! … and I have to say, I have no regrets! As soon as the decision was made, I felt so much better about it all!

I am not entirely sure what I was supposed to learn from all of this!? – I try to look at most situations in a way that teaches me something about myself, other people or the universe in general…. Maybe it’s just a reminder to trust my intuition!? Either way, decision made and I am continuing on in my original role for now! …. And dreaming of and planning for my next holiday adventure!

34 days….. more than 12 cities….8 planes, international, regional and local trains, automobiles and boats, and almost 250km on foot, 3844 photos and 71 videos…… if you had told me a couple of months ago that this is what we would be doing, I would have said you’re insane! But it is exactly what we did, and it has been phenomenal!!

I am writing this as we are navigating our way through the (what feels like) a million hours of travel time to get home… trying to process all of the things that we have seen and done, and how I feel about all of it. Overwhelmed is probably the best word for it. When I look back over all of the photos, Facebook updates and blog posts that I have written, I feel amazed….. and motivated! We have had the most amazing time and there is still so much to see and do in the world… I want to keep doing it all!!

We were so lucky to have so many fabulous experiences, and so incredibly lucky with the weather too! All that time away, and only three rainy days… The rest of the time we did not let the weather interfere with our plans at all. We have seen old buildings and new, castles and churches and places full of history. We have wined and dined, and seen shows….. and the scenery has been beyond words in parts. I am proud of how much we have done, and of how well we did it together!

I’m also really proud of myself for doing this. There was some very real nerves and anxiety going into it. Traveling like this was something that Claytie and I had only ever dreamed about, and I was nervous about doing it with my new person. Revisiting places that Claytie and I had been to was quite daunting, and I was nervous that my grief and missing Claytie would somehow make the trip ‘less’ for D… I don’t think that it did, I certainly hope that it didn’t. This trip was its own thing and it has been the best experience for the two of us to share.

I kind of can’t believe that it’s over now. We talked about it and looked forward to it for such a long time. It seems surreal to think that we have had this massive adventure, and now it will be back to work next week! We packed so much into it and had the most amazing time! We are already planning where to go next year and the year after… and I can’t wait!!… but first, we will enjoy a couple of quieter days, and I am also looking forward to that!

This part of our trip – the last leg, has brought us to Germany. Hamburg is the city I was born in and lived near for the first 11 years of my life. The last time I was here was in 2019 with Claytie (we had an amazing time!), so coming back has filled me with a whole lot of mixed emotions. I’m so excited to share this part of my life with D, but I am also really conscious of missing Claytie and remembering our trip.

We are staying with my Aunt and Uncle, and it’s great! We are the first of family travellers for them this year – my sister and her family will be coming for Christmas! Lucky for us they have plenty of space and they are always happy for us to visit.

Getting to Germany ended up being a bit of a mission. D’s brother got us to the airport by 5am (thank you so much!!), we had Brekky, and eventually made our way to the departure gate… all good so far I hear you say! From here it all turned into a bit of a shemozzle! When our group was called to board it was a big group… off we went down to the tarmac and onto a bus… along with 150 other people!! We were crammed in with no room to scratch ourselves, and left standing for 45 minutes. Finally we got to the plane, only to be told the engineers had a problem with the front wheel and we would be grounded for another 45 minutes. Just as well we had factored some time into the connection to Hamburg!

We got to Heathrow and people watched before our next flight, which is always fun- the people watching, not so much Heathrow! Boarding was reasonably straightforward, and again we were told we would be delayed (only 15min or so). When we finally got to Hamburg, border control was beyond chaotic – two planes landed at the same time, and only 3 officers checking passports! It was a long day!

Finally we made it through and found my aunt and uncle! Introductions were made and off we went… thankfully no jet lag (that is a first for me coming here!), so a quick cuppa and a piece of cake – afternoon tea is a whole seperate meal in Germany, and then off for a walk around the neighbourhood to stretch our legs.

Day two had us starting the day with a leisurely breakfast and a walk around the garden, before heading in to see the city. We went past a whole lot of familiar places – including the neighbourhood that my grandparents lived for as long as I can remember… it was super nostalgic for me! We parked the car and after a short walk got onto a ferry to see the city from the river. Hamburg is a huge harbour city. It has upwards of 9500 million cargo ships arriving in any given year and is the third largest harbour in Europe… there is a lot to see!

When we got off the boat, we walked around the old warehouse district which is all newly revamped, the ‘new’ harbour city and then into the other side of town to City Hall. We went to the philharmonic Opera house and took the longest escalator up to the viewing platform for even more views of the harbour.

We had my favourite meal for lunch – pizza el tonno and D got to try a traditional Curry Wurst (his new favourite!) then had an adventurous train ride home. My uncle rushed ahead for a train and got on, not realising the rest of us did not make it until the train left! … it was very funny!!! We reconnected two stops later and made our way back to the car and then home. 9km on a 33°C sunny day in Hamburg!! We were sweaty and tired, but very happy with the day!

Day three in Hamburg involved a bit of a sleep in and a slower start with another yummy Brekky, before heading back into the city (via bus and train) to do an Alster Rundfahrt. The Alster is Hamburgs second most important river. Where the Elbe is tidal and hugely significant for the harbour and port, the Alster is a slow flowing non tidal river. It forms two lakes in the city centre that are a big part of the inner city landscape. We took a boat trip around the two lakes and into several of the off-shoot canals. It’s a very relaxing way to see another part of the city, and some very very expensive real estate!

Following the Rundfahrt (round trip) we snacked on a Curry wurst (definitely a favourite) and made our way to another significant part of the Hamburg landscape – the Michel. A church that sits prominently on the city skyline, and is the symbol for Hamburg. We didn’t have the energy to climb the 400+ steps to get to the top of this one, but enjoyed our walk around the inside.

Home again, and then Kaffee trinken (afternoon tea, which as previously mentioned is its own meal in Germany) and then D and I went to the shops for a look around. It is fun in a new place to check out the supermarkets to see all the differences. Dinner was my very very favourite meal – Sauerbraten. Not everyone likes it, it is a marinated (3days over here) pot roast, that has a sweet/sour flavour and a rich gravy that has sultanas in it. It is served with noodles and a green salad…. I love it, and I feel spoilt to have been given it!!

Days four, five and six in Germany involve a side quest – see blog post #158. for Berlin!

Day seven, back in Hamburg, started nice and slow with Brekky and a walk around the garden, as well as getting the washing done! I managed to pick up some sort of head cold/ cough in the last few days, which has slowed me down a bit, so the quieter day was appreciated! We were visited by a rabbit – who has a favourite spot by the terrace, and a squirrel who was busy raiding the garden for nuts to store ready for winter. There were also flowers to look at, tomatoes to pick and blackberries to taste!

The afternoon saw us heading to Blankenese, a wealthy residential district known for its half-timbered fishermen’s houses and pre-war villas, many of which line the winding stairs of the Treppenviertel (the Stair Quarter) neighborhood. Steps lead to the top of Süllberg’s hill, where restaurants overlook the Elbe River. It is a lovely suburb to walk around, even with the steep stairs and the houses are fabulous to look at.

We also went to Wedel, a town near the mouth of the river Elbe, and a welcome point for ships coming into the harbour. We sat for a bit having coffee and cake watching for boats to come in. When they do come in, a welcome message gets played and the national anthem for the country the ship is registered in also comes over the loud speaker. It was a lovely way to spend the afternoon

Day eight started with a thunder storm, which was actually really nice as it has been very very hot!! Once the weather settled down, it was an adventure day for D and I. We took ourselves into the city for another look around (and to get some souvenirs).

We took the bus and then the train into central station and had a lovely time wandering around. We went to the Nikolai Kirche (church) – a memorial to the bombing victims of the Second World War. Hamburg, as a major port and industrial city was the target of a major bombing attack, especially during the last week of July 1943. 34000 people died in a 10 day period, and most of the city was reduced to rubble. The spire of the church was surprisingly left standing, and is now a memorial. We took the lift up to the viewing platform 76m high and took in the amazing scenery from there.

Next we took ourselves back to the Harbour for some lunch and a cold drink – have I mentioned that it has been hot here??? We finished the day by meeting up with one of my oldest friends and her husband. I have caught up with her every time that I have been back to Germany and it is honestly fabulous. She and I went to Kindergarten together!

We met up at a ‘beach club’ on the banks of the river and had drinks while catching up and watching the boats go by. The Disney Dream – built in Hamburg- came past on her way to England and other fun places! It is a huge ship 1250 cabins on board, with passengers standing on the deck waving as they went by. It was such a lovely way to spend the afternoon, and I am so glad we managed to make the catch up happen!

Day nine (and our last full day of holidays) had us heading to the shops this morning to stock up on all kinds of sweet treats to take home…and another look at balancing the weight in our suitcases (fun times!). Once we had all of that under control, we went to the other side of the Elbe River to have a look there.

Das Altes Land – the old land, is a big fruit growing area, full of all kinds of orchards. The place we went to was mostly apples, but we also saw plums and pears (we were too late for the cherries). It is really beautiful countryside, and the cutest little towns full of half timbered, thatch roofed houses.

We also went to a smaller city called Stade, that has an old city centre which houses dating from the 1600’s. It is amazing to walk over cobbled streets, past houses that have been there for more than 400 years. They are quaint, and crooked and amazing! We stopped there for coffee and cake, sitting by a canal enjoying the breeze on another warm day… it was truly lovely! Our day finished with dinner at my aunt and uncles favourite Italian restaurant, a thank you from us to them for a fabulous visit.

Tomorrow we head off to the airport to face the (what feels like) million hour flight home…. We have had the most amazing holiday, and I can’t believe it is over. What an experience we have had!! Just wow!

Day three in Germany was the start of a side quest… a weekend in Berlin! We got up early, skipping Brekky at home and made our way via bus and S Bahn (overground train) to central station to get on a regional fast train to head to Berlin. D and I made use of the various bakery options at the train station (they are many and full of fabulous things) to get some food to take on the train for our Brekky.

The train was punctual – as all things in Germany are, and at 7.38am we were off. The train made a couple of stops in various towns on the way to Berlin, but it was a very pleasant, comfortable and hassle free way to travel. We did have some kerfuffeling at central station when we got there, but that was more to do with trying to organise city wide travel cards and questions around the hop on hop off bus from my uncle than anything else.

Once that was all sorted, we made our way to our hotel, which is situated just off the main, posh shopping street – the place you want to be seen to be seen! It’s a quaint little place, and certainly very comfortable for our two night stay. As soon as we had freshened up and dumped our luggage, off we went!

I bought hop on hop off bus tickets for us all – D and I have found this to be the very best way to see as much of a new city, in a really logical way. It is comfortable and you get a running commentary and history as you’re going. We usually do one full loop and then decide the places that we are most interested to go back to and really explore. Our stops for the loop on day one here, were the Brandenburg Gate – a Curry wurst snack was also necessary here, and the Gedächtnis Kirche.

The Brandenburg Gate is one of the most recognisable symbols of not just Berlin, but also Germany. It was built in 1788 by order of Kaiser Frederick William II and marked the entrance gate to Berlin. It is topped with a bronze sculpture of the Quadriga. It is a beautiful and imposing monument … and a place that seems to be the home for all kinds of protests – we saw three different ones while we were there!

The Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church (also known as the Gedächtnis Kirche) stands right in the middle of Breitscheidplatz in the western center of Berlin. It is a much-visited landmark and is located quite centrally and very near to other attractions. Even from a distance, the ruined spire of the church is eye-catching. Although it was restored several times after its destruction during World War II, it was intentionally not completely rebuilt. Rather, its ruin serve as a memorial against war and destruction. There is a new church right next door where services are held, and it is also a very beautiful building.

Day two in Berlin was a full day of sightseeing for us. We had a bit of a plan of what we wanted to see, having done a full loop of the bus tour on day one (we did not quite manage everything!). Following a very nice continental hotel breakfast, off we went – and I need to say here, the weather has been spectacularly cooperative, with glorious blue skies and sunshine!

Our first stop, was on the second loop of the bus (there is a red line, which we did on day one and took about two hours on the west side, and a blue line which was 45 minutes and into eastern Berlin). The East side Gallery …. At 1316 metres long, the open-air art gallery on the banks of the Spree in Friedrichshain is the longest continuous section of the Berlin Wall still in existence. Immediately after the wall came down on 9 November 1989, 118 artists from 21 countries began painting the East Side Gallery, and it officially opened as an open air gallery on 28 September 1990. Just over a year later, it was given protected memorial status…. It is a huge wow from us!!!

Our next stop was at the Cathedral and Museum Insel (Museum Island) home for all of the museums and galleries. It also has several University buildings nearby. We would need at least another couple of weeks here to be able to visit them all, but they are amazing buildings to look at and walk past!

We passed the Brandenburg Gate again on our way to the Reichstag, home of the German Parliament. It is a huge and imposing building, that has a whole lot of bullet holes (remnants of the war) all over its facade. A lot of the buildings that survived the war time bombing seem to have shrapnel and bullet damage when you look more closely. (There is also quite a lot of construction/renovation work happening all over the place, so scaffolding seems to be part of most photos!)

Our final stop for the day was at the Monument to the murdered Jews – a holocaust memorial. It consists of a 1.9-hectare (4.7-acre) site covered with 2,711 concrete slabs arranged in a grid pattern on a sloping field. The slabs are 2.38 m long, 0.95 m wide and vary in height from 0.2 to 4.7 metres. They are organized in rows, 54 of them going north–south, and 87 heading east–west at right angles but set slightly askew. An attached underground “Place of Information” holds the names of approximately 3 million Jewish Holocaust victims, obtained from the Israeli museum. It is an impressive, thought provoking and reflective, peaceful place to walk.

One last photo opportunity on the way back to our hotel was of the Siegessäule (The Victory Column).. a 67m tall monument to celebrate 4 Prussian victories in the war to unify Germany. It is a major tourist attraction in Berlin, and has a viewing platform at the top that we have been told offers spectacular views of the city. We did not have the time or the energy to climb the 285 step spiral staircase this time!

Our last day in Berlin saw us going to a place I have been wanting to see for ages… Checkpoint Charlie – the most well known border crossing between East and West Germany. There are several museums and galleries here, as well as a replica of the Guard station. The information in the museum is abundant and in some cases confronting…

 When Berlin was divided into East and West, the former military checkpoint was controlled by the Americans. Only foreigners, employees of the Permanent Mission of the Federal Republic of Germany in the GDR, and GDR officials were allowed to cross the border here. The border crossing gained notoriety in October 1961 after the construction of the Berlin Wall: in the last days of October, American and Soviet tanks took up positions here after members of the US mission were asked to identify themselves at the GDR border post when passing through the Allied checkpoint. Soviet and Allied tanks faced each other with live ammunition and a third world war almost ensued. In the years that followed, the checkpoint was the scene of spectacular escapes which often ended in death.

It is really hard to imagine what that time was like in Germany. The wall stood for 40 years before coming down in 1989, and families were separated for all that time. I’m so glad that we managed to get here before heading back to Hamburg for the last few days of our trip.

So this week, D and I were on our own, in a car, doing the NC 500. The ‘route 66’ of Scotland. 500 miles around the northern most part of the mainland. We have watched all kinds of programs (there’s a good one on SBS in Australia called ‘Britains most beautiful road’), and we’ve been super excited for it. … now it’s our turn – and heads up…. This is a long one!

We stated by heading to the airport to pick up a hire car, and after a minor panic involving the wrong credit card, we had the keys in our hot little hands and off we went! Our first stop was The Devils Pulpit… a stunning waterfall/rock formation in a forest in a field. It was a bit of a walk through the field to get to the trees, and the ground was a bit wet and swampy. We followed other people – until they turned around! It was not the easiest place to get to! There was a whole lot of climbing and scrambling to get to spots that we could see the view. The rock outcroppings are covered in moss and the trees are abundant. The whole place is green… and steep!! We had seen pictures online of people swimming there, but couldn’t figure out how to get down (and back up) in one piece!

Our next stop was Aberfoyle… D’s home town. It is a really cute little village, and as is often the case with small town life, we ran into a few people that remember D and his family from when they all lived there. We bought some flowers and visited the graveyard, which is lovely!

Then onto Callendar, for a cuppa and some highland coos!! I absolutely love cows, so this was a highlight for me! Some were more friendly than others, but I feel like I had my fix! Driving through the country side was beautiful! Every where you turn your head there is something new and beautiful to look at. The scenery is just stunning and I feel very lucky to have this opportunity!

Our last stop was in the Trossachs and our hotel for the night. It is a place that D, his brother and Mum all worked at back in the day! It was fun hearing all the stories and memories from those days. It was quite a nostalgic stay for D and I’m really happy to have been a part of it.

Day two started with a blue sky, and just as we started to get excited about it, Mother Nature unleashed, and we had torrential rain instead! It made for some really lovely moody pictures, and very very wet feet!

We took off and headed toward Loch Lomond, and Duck Bay Marina. It was stunning… and cold! D and I were bundled up in hoodies and jackets watching a couple of women swim in the loch!!! We only stayed long enough to walk on the pier and beach and take some photos, and then we were back in the car!

From Duck Bay, we made our way to Inverarnan and the Drovers Inn. It is supposed to be Scotlands most haunted pub. The story goes that a young Drovers named Angus was brutally killed while looking after his heard of cows, and walked the halls of the pub looking for revenge!… I think it is much more likely to be the ghosts of all the badly taxidermied animals on display all over the place! Either way, it was a fun experience – although the service was pretty questionable!

The next part of our adventure, took us through the Cairngorms to the banks of Loch Ness – Fort William (Nessie gets a revisit later on in this blog!). The rain for most of the day was pretty much torrential – to the point where we went into every OP shop in the vicinity to find proper rain coats…. We didn’t find what we wanted, but thankfully the radiator in our room managed to get our stuff dry. The scenery through the mountains was just amazing. They are huge and imposing and everywhere. Every corner that you take shows you something new… even in the rain and mist!

Day three saw us heading off early-ish to get to Eilean Donan castle. We managed to beat at least three bus loads of tourists to get there, and took our time walking around (and having a cuppa!). The castle is beautiful – straight out of a fairytale… and lucky for us, we had blue skies to go with it!

Next came one of the things we have been most looking forward to! A road called Bealach na Ba. We had seen it on the show on SBS that I mentioned previously, and although we had an idea of what it would be from watching that show, the reality was so very much more! The road was built in 1822 as a drivers road. It has , very tight hairpin bends that switch back and forth up the hillside and gradients that approach 20%. It has the greatest ascent of any road climb in the United Kingdom, rising from sea level at Applecross to 626 m (2,054 ft) in about 6 km (3.7 mi), and is the third highest road in Scotland. (Wikipedia) The facts are one thing, but actually driving the road was something else. It is breathtaking! I honestly don’t have words for how amazing it was, it brought me to tears! (Yes I know I cry a lot, and at almost anything, but this was truly next level!)

Right at the top, we got out of the car to have a look around. I have never been so cold in my life! The wind was like icy knives stabbing into you, so the obvious thing for me to do was to get my kit off to take that photo!!! (It’s probably the quickest I’ve ever moved!) … it absolutely made me feel alive! It was just glorious!

From there we drove down to Applecross along single track roads, and then around to Ullipool. It’s really hard to put into words just how amazing the scenery is. One minute you are driving through thick trees with streams and waterfalls on either side, and then it opens up into a lunar landscape of grassy areas full of granite boulders, and then around the next corner you see the ocean. There are sheep grazing at the side of the road, completely unbothered by the passing cars, it is honestly just phenomenal and I can’t believe that I got to be here and that it is real!

Day four was another phenomenal day! We left our accomodation – a B&B run by Trace and Murdo… Trace was quite short in stature and fairly rotund. There was an impression of several chins… ginger … very broad accent and kindly, if inquisitive in nature… of Murdo, there was no sign! She has mastered the art of a tightly packed breakfast tray, and was disappointed at our early departure!

From Ullipool, we headed north. On the map, our drive was supposed to take three or so hours…. In reality it took 9, and we loved it! Our first detour/stop was at Ardvreck Castle… a ruin perched on a bit of a hill in a Loch. We caught sight of it as we crested a hill on the road. It kind of felt like the epitome of wild Scotland..

From there we drove through Lochinver, a little hamlet in a bay, and that led us onto a detour that was one of my favourite things ever. The road was single track (lucky for me D is happy to be the driver), so even though it has a 60mile an hour speed limit, in reality you can only drive about 20-30. Every corner opened up to a different scenery. We had trees and mountains, and then glimpses of sea. We came across a little blip of a town, with a cafe by the side of the road. We stopped for tea, and while waiting admired the highland cows across the road!!

Fortified with a hot drink, we continued with our detour and made it to the lighthouse of Storer. It was magnificent! Kind of squat and set into the landscape overlooking a wild and windy ocean! From the car park up to the lighthouse was a bit of a walk, but it was glorious! The sun was shining and even tho the wind was full on we worked up a bit of a sweat walking around! It was truly stunning… and a very happy detour for us!

Next on our list – and our original destination for the day was Smoo Cave. It is both a sea water and a freshwater cave, and was originally used by the Vikings. It is quite a steep climb down – there are stairs either side, but once you are down it’s quite flat and rocky. There is an inlet from the ocean that forms a kind of beach, and there is a freshwater stream running out of the cave and into the ocean. It feels vast, and damp and eery…. We loved it!

Our final destination (via the most stunning coastline) is near Tongue. Our accomodation for the night was in a Lodge that is very ‘country’. There are antlers and taxidermy all over the place… and all sorts of people having very serious conversations about fly fishing! It was fabulous!! It feels funny to talk about being exhausted from all the beautiful scenery that we have encountered, but that’s exactly how D and I both felt at the end of the day. It was nice to just switch off for a little bit and reset, ready for the last couple of days.

Day five saw us leave Borgie Lodge and head to Bettyhill. There isn’t a whole lot to Bettyhill, but it does have a Pictish stone that I was keen to see. It is in a grave yard amidst a whole lot of headstones. The Picts were known as ‘Picti’ by the Romans, meaning ‘Painted Ones’ in Latin, these northern tribes constituted the largest kingdom in Dark Age Scotland. They repelled the conquests of both Romans and Angles, creating a true north-south divide on the British Isles, only to disappear from history by the end of the first millennium – swallowed whole by the history of another group, the Gaels. Together they created the Kingdom of Alba. It blows my mind that these remnants are just randomly scattered around the countryside.

Melchevic beach came next for us, and it was beautiful! We parked the car and walked over grass covered dunes down to the sand. It was big and windy and empty. The water was freezing, but I needed to put my feet in! It is a spot where a river feeds into the ocean, and it was interesting to see where the two met. The ocean waves would only go so far before they were pushed back.

Our next stop was Thurso, and really it was not a stop worth making! Even though it is a bigger town (certainly compared to other places we have gone through) there was nothing really happening. We did find an old church to look at, but other than that it felt like a waste of time!

John O’Groats was the final stop for this day – 7 hours into our two hour drive! It is the northern most spot on mainland Scotland and is a hit with the tourists… us included! Our stay was in a Toft – a little unit with ocean views (we were on the ground floor in the yellow one) Another quieter evening, in anticipation of the homeward stretch!

Day six started with a little bit of backtracking…we had passed Castle of Mey the day before, but were too late to get in. It was absolutely worth going back for! It is a ‘tiny’ castle that was owned by the Queen Mother. It was her personal property that she would use for holidays. The gardens are spectacular, the animal enclosure was fun and hands on, and the castle tour was intimate and personal and truly lovely!! It was probably my favourite castle – and we have seen a whole lot of them on this trip!

We also went to Duncansby Head lighthouse – again, phenomenal views! .. and we also saw the Stacks – a part of the peninsula that has been separated from the mainland by the force of the waves over time.

Our next stop was Dunrobin castle – home to the Duke of Sutherland. It is seriously imposing, and the gardens are beautiful! We got to see a Falcon display before taking a stroll through the gardens and then a self guided tour of the castle. It felt like a very generous walk through a whole lot of the castle, and the items on display are fabulous. It’s amazing to see so much history that belongs to one family!

A quick stop at the Glenmorangie Distillery (the smell was amazing!) and then onto Inverness on the banks of Loch Ness for our stay for the night.

Day 7 started with a bit of a drive around Inverness, on our way back to Fort Augustus. There were several souvenirs that needed to come home with me, and that’s where I found them! We did look for Nessie, but she clearly had other plans that day!

We also went back to Glencoe to take the chairlift up to the top of the slope. This time around, the weather played nice and we got to see for miles in all directions. It’s really hard to put into word just how overwhelming the mountains are! They are huge and vast and awe inspiring (and the photos just don’t come close to doing it all justice!)

From Glencoe we made our way back to Callendar for a chat with the cows, a look at Doune castle (you might know this from the show ‘Outlander’ – which I have not watched!), then D’s favourite Chinese and finally our stay for the night in Port of Menteith!

Our last day driving saw us heading to Stirling and the Wallace monument. The weather was not the nicest, but we managed to get to the top regardless. It is a 67m tall monument at the top of the Abbey Craig overlooking Stirling. It was built in 1861 to commemorate William Wallace – a Scottish hero from the 13/14th century who was one of the main leaders during the first Scottish war for independence (the movie Brave Heart is very very loosely based on William Wallace). We managed to get to the monument quite early, so early in fact that we beat the shuttle bus that was supposed to take us to the monument, so we had a very long steep walk in the rain instead.

The view from the top was not quite as nice as it might have been later that day when the sun came out, but it was easy to imagine what we would have seen. To get to the top there were 146 steps to climb, with 3 landings that housed displays, including a replica of William Wallace’s sword… it was really interesting and I’m glad we managed to get there. I was also very impressed having heard D tell me the story of him and two of his mates, setting a Guinness book world record back in 1988 for running up and down the steps as many times as possible in one hour. They managed 15 times up, and down, each!!

We finished the drive with a tour of Stirling, D’s stomping ground from back in the day! I got to see the sights and we managed a bit of shopping as well – turns out we will need shorts for the next part of the trip! We returned our hire car and then made our way back to D’s family for our final night in Scotland.

The last week, driving 1074 miles or 1728.5 km across the northern part of Scotland, especially the west coast has truly been one of the most amazing things I have ever done! I feel incredibly privileged to have had this opportunity and have loved every single minute seeing D’s homeland with him.

I’m finishing this blog, sitting in a very delayed flight from Edinburgh to London, where we connect to our flight to Hamburg – my home town, and my family.