Chapter Two - Dating disasters and other delights

So this week I’ve had a whole lot of fun entertaining a new friend from Italy. We met on line mid last year and have been chatting ever since. He was supposed to come for a work trip last year, which got postponed and has finally made it here now, and it’s been really nice to meet in person!

Before he arrived I asked if he had anything in particular that he wanted to see while he’s here, and the resounding answer was to cuddle a koala! … unfortunately that is not something I was able to arrange – it is no longer allowed, but we did go to Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary and had a Koala experience.

One of my girlfriends had also chatted with our Italian friend previously, so she came with us, and the three of us had a fabulous day. It’s been a really long time since I have been to Lone Pine – and here is a fun fact for you all… one of my sisters and I (with some help from our Dad) translated one of the early tourist brochures in to German for them – it has absolutely been updated since then tho!! It was about a million degrees, so a hot and sweaty walk around, but a great selection of Aussie animals, including a platypus much to the delight of our friend!

We broke up the originally planned tour to come to my place for a swim… and had another very Aussie experience as a Water Dragon (Lizard for those following from other places) joined us to get away from my dogs! .. not unusual at my place, but also not expected! The dragon was not at all upset about sharing the oil with us.. and we all managed to cool off! Unfortunately I did not take a picture of that!

We concluded the whistle stop sightseeing with a drive up to Mount Coot-tha to take in the view and to enjoy some food and a cold beer! Lucky for us there was also live music and a cold breeze!

So my friend A has been quite nervous about getting this mention… which made me laugh; and I told him that I would make fun of him!… and I have to tell you he does make me laugh!!! He is constantly saying ‘Mama Mia’ which I find hilarious because it seems so stereotypical! I didn’t really think it was something anyone actually says… and I love it!!

I am looking forward to spending some more time with him this week – Karaoke on Friday will be another new experience before he heads back home… and who knows, maybe in the not too distant future I’ll head over to Italy and ask him to be my tour guide in Verona!

It’s been a busy week and a glorious weekend! I’m feeling like my cup is full and right now I’m pretty happy with life! The last couple of days have not just held glimmers but rather a whole lot of sparkle and it’s a pretty good feeling.

This week I rotated into another new role at work – I am currently on a secondment with the surgical and PeriOp department, and there are a whole lot of different roles to learn. It’s a challenge for me, given how much I don’t like change… but I am pushing myself to expand my resume, work with new people and try out all kinds of different things. I’m excited for the coming week because I’ve been told I can have a tour of the operating theatres – and those who know me will know just how keen I am for that!

The weekend started with karaoke… and that never gets old! I love the energy and the people watching… it’s just a whole lot of fun! One of my girlfriends stayed at my place after, and I love that too! We do the debrief and gossip in the morning over Brekky, and analyse our own performances on the stage … they are usually not fabulous – but we have a whole lot of fun!

Saturday was another day spent with friends… some old and some new, and some overlapping connections that highlight how small the universe really is! Late in the afternoon I went to my friends place for dinner and margaritas, and stayed at her place because Sunday was an early start!

One of my girlfriends had a birthday not so long ago, and we celebrated by getting the early boat over to Moreton Island – Tangalooma resort! The weather was spectacular, I was suitably medicated to not get seasick and none of us got sunburnt! We spent the day walking to the wrecks, laying on the beach, having cocktails with lunch, and a whole lot of laughs and conversation. I love the role that these ladies play in my life and I am so grateful that I met them at one of my first Widowed events.

Every weekend is a long weekend for me (I don’t work on Mondays) but it was nice to have a public holiday, and to spend time with more fabulous people. It’s been a weekend of great conversations and learning more about some of the people in my world. I feel refreshed and relaxed and ready for this week. It’s a nice way to feel and I don’t take it for granted when I do!

Isn’t it funny how some things stay scary and overwhelming regardless of how long you’ve had to do them!? For me specifically it’s anything to do with banking and finances… that was always Clayties department (I’ve never been good with numbers). I know that I drive the boys insane with my carrying on over it all, but it just bamboozles me every time and I panic.

I’m in the process at the moment of changing some stuff over, and as much as I know that I am a fully functioning, capable adult, this stuff scares the crap out of me and I am constantly asking for help. I have learned tho that acknowledging the shortcomings and the who, what, when, where and why really helps with keeping the anxiety somewhat at bay. 5 1/2 years in this stuff is still all baby steps for me, and I feel like I’m running through a forest with a blindfold on.. every now and again I hit a target, but the rest of the time it’s a mad scramble! I’m hoping that eventually I’ll get to being ok with it!

This week, other than the bank stuff, has been a bit quieter – and that’s maybe not a bad thing! I did go out for a lovely lunch to celebrate a girlfriend’s birthday… and really, who can say no to a cocktail or two, sitting at a roof top bar overlooking the city, but other than that it’s been the usual work routine. The highlight for the week was obviously taking the Squish to the “Fire truck station” (see previous post) and seeing how happy he was about that!

I am starting to get excited for this years big trip to China… 60 or so days to go! – I will need to start doing some training for it … the description of the tour (read after we booked it) has me just a little bit nervous! Squat toilets on an overnight sleeper train, and non- renovated sections of the Great Wall to clamber over tell me that I should probably work on some fitness … but I am very excited for the adventure – and to add to the holiday photo books on my coffee table!

This year for me is about saying yes to things and for pushing myself out of my comfort zone even more than I have in the past. It means doing the scary Bank stuff, and leg exercises for squatting!… and trusting myself to keep going, even when it would be easier to curl up and hibernate. I don’t want to miss out on the experiences and new people that saying yes will bring. It’s all part of the rollercoaster, right!?

So I have a couple of friends who have or are working for the Queensland Fire Service, and my nieces partner is currently in training. I very much admire them for the work they do! It’s a tough job… and can be pretty scary!

I drove past a house fire last year (and stopped to call 000) and couldn’t believe the speed, the noise and the heat that came out of it! Two people died that day, but the Firefighters just went in and did what they do!

Any way, the point of this story is not necessarily to hero worship (but I do a little bit!), but to tell you how awesome those friendships can be when you’re Grandma Birdie with a Squish to impress!!

One of my friends was working at the station just down the road from my place the other day, and I was able to organise for the Squish (along with his parents and one of the uncles) to go to the ‘fire truck station’ and have a look at the action!

The team were so lovely showing Squish the truck, letting him sit in the drivers seat, explaining the radios and gear and just letting him soak it all in! The little man didn’t really know how to take it all in, but was super happy to be there! Unfortunate, just when the hose came out to water the garden, the station got a call out… not to worry tho, we got to see them get ready in a hurry, load out and drive out with bells and whistles (lights and sirens) going!

It was such a fun afternoon – Ive been on a high for a couple of days after…. I have a million photos of the afternoon and the Squish has a memory we will talk about for a long time! … I also have an invitation to take him again!! Thank you to my friend and his team for making this Birdie and her Squish super happy!

I have just come home from the most fabulous spontaneous weekend away in Yamba. Originally, I had nothing planned for the weekend other than some chores around the house, but was chatting with my friend on Friday at lunchtime, he had a house full of people and invited me to come as well and stay at his place in Yamba.

I drove down (about 3 1/2 hours) on Friday after work – via home to pack a bag, and stopped at Brunswick Heads for a pit stop and a drink with another friend. It was a super busy place with a whole lot happening with school holiday fun, and it is definitely on my list of places to go back to!

I made it to Yamba and met all of the house guests – a new flat mate and his sister and two of her friends, and I heard all about their plans for the weekend. There was a whole lot happening in town for a big ocean swim race day/weekend. They are all ocean swimmers, and were there to participate.

My friend and I left them all to it, and took his van to sleep at the beach .. I have never thought of myself as a camper, but sleeping in the van at the beach is something else! It has become one of my favourite things to do! Every time I come home I start searching for cheap vans so I can get into it, and then I remember that I’m probably not brave enough to camp on my own, and also that I probably can’t afford it! Hahaha

Day two saw us heading to the beach for a ‘warm up’ swim – there’s a big group that meet everyday to swim 1.5km, and it’s a really lovely community! I sat and had some brekky, watching the waves and enjoying the setting up for a sand castle building competition, as well as a bunch of other things for kids to do. Following their swim, we went to Angourie, to Spookeys beach and had a paddle and a Picknick, and then the very best afternoon nap ever! Dinner was at the pub, where a band was setting up ready to entertain the younger crowd! It was a super fun vibe, and great people watching!

Sunday started early with the swimmers preparing themselves. I offered to pick up the elderly wife of one of the competitors. He is 82, and rode his bike 10km into town before competing in the 700m as well as the 2km races… and then riding his bike home!! The whole event was super well organised, and (if you’re into that kind of thing) a whole lot of fun! I thoroughly enjoyed sitting on the sidelines as a spectator, and taking photos of my friends as they finished their races. … I am also pleased to say that my sunburn was minimal!

We rounded out the day with a trip to the golf club, where a bunch of food trucks were stationed and some live music was playing. It was a fabulous way to finish a busy day…. I also got to catch up with my other friend who lives down there, so that was a bonus!!

Back to the van (parked in the driveway) for bed, and then a change of location to wake up to! My friend woke up early and moved us up to the beach to watch the sunrise… and I have to say it is one of my favourite ways to wake up!! … followed by brekky, and then the drive home to get all the chores done before the work week starts again.

This weekend for me falls into the category for my New Year’s resolution to say yes to more things this year, and to not be quite so rigid with my routines! … I had a fabulous time, met some wonderful new people, and enjoyed myself thoroughly! I’m looking forward to whatever the next adventure will be!

This week, there is an element of sadness… I had really high hopes that I would win the lotto and be able to retire! – No such luck, so I will be returning to work shortly! … it’s not that I dislike my job, I would just rather not be doing it! (But I am sure that applies to most of us!)

I have had a really lovely break and managed to catch up with a whole lot of fabulous people! I feel like I have had a recharge, and am ready for a new year of adventure. 2025 was not my favourite year for a whole host of reasons, so I am looking forward to leaving it behind and finding good things to focus on from now.

I met a new friend just recently – a friend of a friend to be exact, and they are not in a good place. Christmas/New years can be really tough for a lot of people – you’re supposed to be happy and celebrating, but it can be super overwhelming and not actually happy at all! It’s really hard knowing that someone is in a dark place, and trying to offer glimmers without overstepping. I know how hard it can be to be to feel that low but I have only just met them, I have not been part of their journey and can’t profess to know anything about how they have come to this place in their life.

I wish tho that they could see the glimmers… the  small moments that make us feel a sense of calm, connection, peace, and safety. They are the little things we notice that instantly elevate our mood, even when we are feeling down or are in the midst of a bad day. They can be as simple as the smell of coffee in the morning, traffic that doesn’t make you rage or the smile on a face that you pass on your way into work.

It can be hard work looking for the good things in every day, and it is absolutely a conscious choice that I make each morning. I don’t much like myself when I am in a negative headspace, so would prefer to not let it happen rather than dig myself out of it after the fact. … but that isn’t always easy to do, and it does take some effort! … but the glimmers are there, and once you start looking you find them everywhere!

I know that it can sound really trite to say it, but it is something that has really worked for me – So my wish for you, and for my new friend, is that the glimmers are bright and easy to spot, and that the back to work routine is as pleasant as it can be! … x

Happy who-knows-what-day-this-is! I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and get to enjoy these hazy days in between! I have had a really nice Christmas, and one that for the first time in a long time hasn’t been heavy with anxiety – the grief however, is always there. It is really bittersweet celebrating with my kids and grandkids when Claytie isn’t here, but we know that’s just how it is now. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were so much more fun with the Squish and the Peanut… small people just bring so much joy with them!

There has been a lot of socialising which I have really enjoyed. For some reason, and I’m not sure if it is because or in spite of the heaviness of this year, Christmas has felt a bit lighter for me… but in a detached sort of way. I am very grateful to have had some time off from work (which was unexpected) and I have embraced the relaxation time. I have had quality family time and fun with friends, there have been naps and some beach time and I am looking forward to ringing in the new year with a whole lot of music and laughs!

I hope that this new year brings with it more moments of joy, great people and happy memories. I am looking forward to travelling and seeing more of the world as well as here at home in Australia. I have decided that this is going to be a year for saying yes to adventure and to pushing myself out of my comfort zone and routine. It will also be a year for looking after myself and making sure that I stick to the more sensible plans that I have also made for myself.

I am so grateful for all of you lovely people who fill my world, who I can laugh and cry with and whose support makes all the difference! I wish each and every one of you a happy and fulfilling year. I hope you get to tick some fabulous things off your bucket list, and make memories to fill your hearts. Thanks for being you and for sharing my world. XX

This week has been spent chasing my tail! I have a gazillion things to do, and not enough energy or hours in the day to get any of them done the way I would like! … it doesn’t help that I am letting myself be easily distracted with all sorts of things either! It’s a self inflicted vicious cycle that is not helping my anxiety… it is what it is!

Christmas can be super hard for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. I’m finding it hard to get into the spirit, and have felt quite detached from it all. I’m not sure why that’s the case this year, but it’s not the first time since Claytie died. There are bits that I am excited for… the Squish has more of an idea what it’s about this year, so that is a whole lot of fun, and the food is always spectacular. I have got some time off, which was unexpected but very welcome, but on the whole I’m quite ambivalent about it.

This whole year has been a tough one, and not just for me. It feels like a lot of people in my world have had a rough time, and I know that I will be happy to see the end of it. I have had some fabulous highs, but a whole lot more low points. If you’re into astrology, this has been a ‘9’ year, and has marked the end of a cycle. Next year is a ‘one’ and is about new beginnings. The Chinese calendar has had this year as a snake, and it seems we are now at the skin shedding stage, and again, heading into new beginnings. – I am not sure how much of that I believe, but a lot of it does seem to fit for me! Guess we will have to see what next year will bring!

I hope that this week you have a hundred reasons to smile, and a million things to be grateful for. I hope that you’re surrounded by good people and positive energy and that you take time to rest and enjoy. I am so glad that I get to have you in my world, and appreciate the part you play in it! From me and mine, to you and yours I hope you have a Merry and Bright Christmas xx

I’m not really sure where to start this weeks blog…I am speechless as the tragedy in Bondi and the grief that I feel for all of those people directly affected, as well as for the whole community.

So many people have had their wold world flipped in an instant – something that has an impact forever, and at a time of year that should be happy and joyous. It is heartbreaking.

I feel kind of lost and helpless at the weight of all that loss. I know how I feel missing Claytie, and how hard it has been to get through each day. I can not imagine what the impact of this even will have on so many people, and what that will do to the local community, and the wider Australian community. There is a huge sense of disbelief…this kind of stuff happens in other places, not here; and to have it happen here has shaken me.

I have had to turn off the tv and the constant stream of news. I understand that people want to understand, and to try and make sense of this horrible thing that has happened.. but a lot of it feels incredibly voyeuristic to me. News anchors almost giddy with ‘new details’ that come out from talking with witnesses who are clearly in shock. The video snippets on social media that show people falling after being shot… The finger pointing and blame that is happening, and the politicising of people’s grief.

I don’t know what else’s to say. I don’t believe in a God, and ‘thoughts and prayers’ feel hypocritical, but I guess love and light and positivity and kindness and gentleness are the basis for those prayers, so I wish all that for myself, for you and for those people in my world and yours that need it. We all need it x

So this week has been whole lot of overwhelm! I’ve been expecting it, and it has not disappointed!

I have had week one in my new role at work, and while I was not super nervous about it – I know just about all of the systems that are used, there are a gazillion new people to meet, faces and names to remember as well as the who does what stuff, then there are the actual processes to get my head around and there is the ‘me’ stuff to navigate. I am always the same when I start in a new role. I am really hard on myself for not knowing things straight up (silly, I know!) and by day two or three there are usually frustrated tears. … I knew it was coming, so gave myself some space to feel it and then let it go! I can only do what I can do, and the team training me have been lovely!

There has also been a whole lot of social stuff – Christmas parties and catch ups, that have meant a whole lot of running around. This time of the year, I feel like I need to get better at saying no to things to minimise that hectic feeling… but then I get FOMO (fear of missing out) and go along anyway! … I know – self inflicted! I have also had a couple of very early starts with the boys – one at 3.15am to do a taxi run into the city because of a scarcity of Uber’s, and another to take a car for a mechanical check up… I am happy to do it, but it does take a toll!

I am pleased to say that in the middle of all this chaos, I have managed to start my Christmas shopping and cooking, so that feels a whole lot more in control now too! – other than the sore feet that go with it! Missing Claytie is a huge factor in the anxiety madness… he would always talk sense to me and help control the out of control. I knew that he would happily hit the shops for me and get all the things that I invariably forget, and my garden would always be neat and tidy when he was at home…. And the end of the day debrief always hit the spot!

There are so many little things to miss that the rest of the world don’t really see, and the big family things like Christmas just make them so much bigger. I had the whole family (21 people) at my place for a bbq lunch to farewell my Aunt and Uncle from Germany (they leave this week). It is a tradition that started years ago, and was always Clayties time to shine! He was a master at the BBQ and loved showing off. My boys do an admirable job filling in, and I’m proud of how they have stepped up, but it just isn’t the same…

I am hoping that this week feels a whole lot more settled – although mid week I will officially be the mother of a 30year old, fully functioning, parent of his own little people, adult human – something that blows my mind… I swear he only arrived in the world yesterday!!