So this week has come with another couple of firsts for me. It feels odd to keep having firsts, but I guess that’s all part of life.

It’s been a bit of a weird one to be honest. The boys and I went to a funeral, and it was a truly lovely send off for someone who had a huge impact on the community he was part of; but I went from that somber start to the day to then get groceries. It was a very real and visceral reminder that, while for that family the world is now completely different, life keeps going and the mundane things still have to happen. The boys all struggled with going back to the place that we had Clayties service, and with the impact of the collective grief in the room, but I really love how they hold each other up and get through things together.

The last couple of weeks I have also had a million phone calls from my real estate agent selling an investment property for me – another weird place for me and not one I could have imagined only a few years ago. This is another one of those times where I feel like a spectator watching my own life. Technically I am the one making all the decisions, but I feel entirely out of my depth and untethered from it all. It makes me wonder what Claytie would make of it all!?

… and in an even stranger twist, as I wrote that sentence one of his songs stared playing on my (completely) shuffled playlist… so I guess that answers that! … and I absolutely did get goosebumps and started to cry!!

It’s a funny thing how much of a role Claytie still plays in my world. He is part of just about every moment in my life. Something that is both surprising – when I think back on any thoughts I had about grief and grieving before living it, and it’s incredibly reassuring to still feel like I have a relationship with him – albeit a very very different one! His influence is still part of so many decisions that happen every day, from tiny little things to really big moments, and I am super glad I got to feel him with me as I made a pretty big decision.

The other thing that felt big for me this week was meeting my new friends kids for the first time and celebrating his birthday with them. He has met all of my boys and spent time here with us, and so decided it was time. He has two boys who are similar ages to some of mine, and who I had heard a whole lot about. I was a little bit nervous, I have to be honest, stuff like that can feel really big!

We met at his local pub for a relaxed evening of beer, Chicken wings darts and pool. In the interest of full disclosure I wasn’t too bad at darts, but made a much better spectator than participant at pool. It was a fun and easy night and I’m glad I got to meet his kids and be part of it.

So now it’s the start of another week, and I’m interested to see what this one will bring. It’s started with some colder weather – hello winter, and thankfully an end to the rain that’s been with us for the last week or so. It’s my favourite time of year!