I have once again spent a whole lot of time reflecting on all kinds of things, and had a bit of a moment this week. It was around the widows support group. We had a catch up at the weekend, which I went to, and my realisation was around what that group means to me now.

In the very early days of my grief, the group was so incredibly helpful in making me feel seen and understood. There is nothing like the support you get from people who really, truly understand what you’re going through. Unless you have found yourself in this situation, it is impossible (and rightly so) to fully comprehend how all encompassing it is. It is your past, present and future completely shaken up and changed in ways that you can’t begin to imagine, so spending time with people who have walked that same path was for me the very best thing that I could have done.

Right now tho, I no longer feel like I need the same support that I did at the beginning, but instead have found a kind of purpose in going to the group and ‘giving back’. Seeing people further down the road than I was in the early days, gave me hope that my life could be ok again too, and it really helped me to keep going. I hope that by continuing to be part of the group, and going to catch up’s, I can give that kind of hope to other newly widowed people. That it is ok to look for happiness, and it’s just as ok to be sad. That the people in your world will change and that you will change too. That you’re not cheating or doing anything wrong dating, and that it’s also completely ok if you never want to, and that you’re going to constantly have overlapping emotions. There is no right or wrong way to navigate this new world… there is just your own way, and it is what it is.

The other realisation I had was that this is blog post number 250! It feels like a milestone and I am kind of stunned by that … and by the fact that I obviously have had a whole lot to say about things (I’m sure I have more to say), and that so many of you read and engage with what I’m writing.

This blog started as a way to talk about dating and moving forward in my life without Claytie. I thought I would tell some funny stories – and there have been some doozies, and that it would just be a bit of fun. It is still that- I think- but it’s also turned into a kind of journal of the whole grief process, and my life now and what all of that that has been like for me.

There have been so many moments and firsts (and seconds) in my life since the day Clayton died. It has been beyond overwhelming to navigate all of it and it’s been really cathartic to write all of these things down to process what I have felt. It has also felt kind of important for me, sharing what all of this has been like with all of you; as I said earlier, unless you have walked this path it’s impossible to really know what your world looks like without your person.

Not every week has been profound or exciting, and I’m glad for that too! But to have a record of the time that has passed and how I have navigated it is valuable to me – one day down the track I will re-read all of this stuff (I have not yet) and be really proud of myself for doing it… so thank you for being in my world and being kind about my weekly ‘word vomit’!