I think I am feeling the post holiday blues a bit at the moment, and there is definitely a bit of a slump happening. I don’t like it, and I’m not letting it stick around for too long, but I do feel a little bit at loose ends. That’s pretty typical coming back from a big trip. I feel like I have changed and grown a whole lot learning about a new place, but the old place still feels the same. It’s a bit of a weird disconnect and I know I’m not the only one that feels like that when travelling. This week is my birthday, and for some reason it feels completely different to every other year as well.

Normally I get stupidly excited for it – I always have done, but this year I am really quite ambivalent about it. I usually don’t work – I make sure to take the day off, but this time I am not only working, but also starting in another new role and have a performance review on that same day! Claytie used to always make a fuss which I really loved and miss. Now I feel weird not being excited about it, and then I think maybe that’s a bit weird too… most people don’t seem to bother too much once they get into the bigger numbers.

Maybe getting to a bigger number is part of the problem?! I don’t think I’m worried about getting older, I feel really grateful that I get to… but it is another year without Claytie, and that gap is getting wider and wider which is a strange feeling too! So much has changed in my world since he died, I have changed enormously and I wonder what he would make of that – of me now. It’s a whole lot to ponder and it’s definitely been on my mind.

There are plenty of good things happening as well tho, and that’s what I am trying to focus on… I am going back to Bellydance classes this week – something I did for about 4 years a long time ago, which is a whole lot of fun! Some of my girlfriends are also going and that makes me super happy! I loved doing it and I want them to love it as well. The boys are all doing good things and that makes me incredibly happy! I’m really proud of all of them and know absolutely that Claytie would be too! I also have a new friend that I have been spending time with and getting to know a whole lot better and that is exciting too!

It’s really just another week on this weird life roller coaster. Not quite down but also not entirely up, and absolutely guaranteed to change at anytime. It just is what it is and I’m going to keep on keeping on x