Right now, as I sit to write this, my cup is feeling pretty full. It’s been an interesting week with interesting people and I feel good about the conversations I’ve had and more importantly, some decisions I have made.… I’ve had a nasty head cold which was less pleasant, but seems to have turned a corner, which is a good thing too. There was also a whole lot of quality time with the Squish… and that is always a bonus!

The last couple of weeks or so, I have been spending a whole lot of time thinking about my life and what I want it to look like going forward. For the last little while (2-3 or so years) I thought that to be in any way happy again, I needed to be in a relationship. I have always loved my life and have desperately missed what Claytie and I had; and while I have always known that I can never replicate that, I thought that maybe I could try again. I did come close to thinking I had found that happiness again, but I guess the timing was just not right. What I have worked out tho (and yes it’s something that everyone tells you) is that I am truly ok on my own – and right now I am actually really enjoying it…. So for now at least, I’m done with dating (or at least the serious stuff!)

I’ve had a really nice time catching up with different people for meals and conversations without any pressure or expectation, and I’m enjoying the freedom that has given me… I feel like I have somehow finally given myself permission to do that – bugger what anyone else thinks about it… and regardless of what I’ve always thought, that is actually something new for me – not overthinking it and just going with it! It’s a nice feeling!

The last trip that I took has also shown me that while it’s definitely nicer to travel with someone (which I have always done) I’m at a place in my life and with myself, that I could actually happily do it single (probably in a tour tho, because I don’t think I’ll ever be organised enough to cover all those details). Ive been looking and planning to see where and when that might be…. I have also had some invitations to visit friends in different places, and some weekend group trips that I will absolutely take on!

I like how I am feeling at the moment. It’s kind of weird, because the heaviness has been there for so long and in so many ways, that to not have lurking so much is really noticeable…. I am a bit nervous that it might not last – but that’s just how my brain goes. I have decided that for now tho, this is all good and I am going with it. I have some boundaries in place and I know that I will enforce them if and when I need to. I’m not letting myself feel pressure to do and be things that I don’t want to anymore – and that feels really positive.