This week has been another reminder about how lucky the boys and I have been, both before and after Claytie died. We had the most amazing man in our lives – in my case for 32 years, and they were filled with all the good things. Sure we had some downs, but there were seriously so many more happy times than sad ones. I know I have said it before, but it really truly was my fairy tale.
Since Claytie died, I have also recognised how lucky we continue to be. We have amazing people in our world (see blog post #75) and I have been left in a position of being able to maintain the lifestyle that we had before. I have had time and support to grieve my loss, something that is a daily part of my life now. I miss him more than I ever thought could be possible, but I know how much Claytie loved me and I know that I am who I am because of him.
Our world changed completely when Claytie died. Past, present and future are all being looked at in a different way and there is a huge hole where there shouldn’t be. It is an all encompassing thing to process the enormity of that. We are lucky and grateful that in the middle of everything changing, some things have been able to stay the same. Our home, although renovated, is the same safe space that it always was. I have in lots of ways taken that for granted because I just couldn’t imagine anything else, but it is something that not everyone is lucky enough to have.
On my day off this week, I went to help a friend who is also widowed. Unfortunately for her, she has not been so lucky since her person died and she is facing some really tough things right now. The situation she finds herself in is one where she has to sell her home after trying her hardest to maintain the status quo. She has had a bunch of strangers renting rooms to try and keep her home, but things have come to a head and she has made the decision to move on.
I am honestly amazed at the strength she has shown me. She has a difficult relationship with her elderly parents, who have not been able to understand just how hard her grief process has been. People she thought of as family for nearly 20 years have let her down and walked away, and others who promised all kinds of help have not been available for her when she has needed them most. She has kept going even though it would be easier to curl up and hide from the world.
She and I met at one of the Widow support group catch ups, and while she will tell you she has no recollection of meeting me, we did in fact click straight off. We talk daily, often several times a day, and we laugh at each other constantly. I have traveled with her and things going to plan will again soon. We give each other advice about all kinds of things that we may or may not be qualified to comment on and I consider her one of my closest friends. I am in awe of the strength she has shown and the courage that she finds in herself to keep going.
Her house is now on the market and I hope with everything in me that this works out the way it needs to. She deserves for her luck to change and to be able to be able to properly grieve for her person without worrying about what is going to hit her next.