It has been another good week this week and I am grateful for it. It feels like I have definitely turned a corner away from the crash that christmas brought with. The situation is not quite done, but it is out of my hands so I need to let it go. The main thing that I have learned from my downturn has been to put some boundaries in place so that hopefully I don’t sink quite so low again.

The second half of last year was insanely busy for me. I joined a new Widow support group, which has been fabulous and I have made some incredible friends through it. It did make me feel like I wanted and needed to attend every social event that they had tho, on top of doing all of my regular things as well. It was absolutely a case of FOMO – I didn’t want to miss out on anything; and while I don’t regret any of it, it did lead to a kind of tiredness that I haven’t felt before. It also meant that I was just not physically (let alone emotionally) prepared for the chaos that Christmas brought to us. I almost completely shut down over the Christmas break (I know people were worried about how low I got), and that time in my own space has shown me that I need to give myself some time off every now and again just to sit and reflect.

People once again surprised me both positive and negative. It has made me realise that I need to change a whole lot of my expectations, both of myself and others and hopefully the disappointments won’t be so hard. I also need to speak up even more than I do to make sure I have my needs met. Self care has taken on another new meaning and I think needs to be a focus for me this year.

I am now really looking at the things that pop up on my calendar and evaluating whether I have the right amount of energy to be part of it or if I am better off sitting it out and just enjoying the stories that other people tell me about it. It feels good to give myself permission to say ‘no, I need to put myself first’. – Having said all of that, I am still quite busy and there are all kinds of things coming up that I am looking forward to!

At the moment I am not entirely sure what is happening with work. My current contract looks like it is finishing at the end of February, and while I can go back into my previous role I am currently exploring other options – maybe it is time to challenge myself again and try something new? I am not super stressing about it – kind of more seeing what the universe throws my way.

I have some concerts and shows coming up that I am looking forward to, and our German relatives are coming to visit again which will bring other fun things with it. I am hoping to travel in April when I have some time off, I just need someone who wants to tag along to make the cost – and the adventure more manageable (hit me up if you’re keen!). Mostly I am just going with the flow and seeing how things turn out.

I think for now I’m ok with how things are going. It feels good to let myself relax into my decisions and not feel like I have to put everyone else first, or worry about missing out on anything. Guess we will see how it turns out!

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