Don’t you hate how when one thing breaks, several others do as well, and all in the lead up to Christmas! I’m the last week I have had to replace the pool chlorinator and have someone come out to look at both the washing machine and the dryer – essentials in my house with all of the people that still live there! Hopefully that is all I need to have fixed and other things don’t break down too!
I am also in the process of purchasing an investment property. Last time I was involved with buying a house was 20 years ago and I had Claytie to do all of the complicated stuff for both of us… he would just tell me where to sign and I would do it. This time I’m mostly trying it on my own, although my oldest son has been a godsend. He has a much better understanding of all of the processes than I do, and luckily for me he has been incredibly patient.
In the middle of all of that, there is the build up to Christmas. I thought I was going to be ok this year… the tree went up by the first of December and that felt ok, but as we are getting closer to it, my anxiety is building up massively. I’m feeling anxious about everything and I know I’ve been moody with it. I don’t particularly like the role I am in at work at the moment which is adding to all of this. I have everything crossed that I’ll move into a different spot in the new year, but in the meantime it’s dragging me down. I have a million things to do for Christmas and feel like I don’t have the time, I also don’t have the energy or any ideas about what I’m doing. It all feels quite overwhelming. I’m procrastinating about everything and then complaining about not having time. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m not sure how to snap myself out of it.
Christmas last year was really, really hard and I’m worried that this year will be the same. I thought I had myself prepared for it, but it caught me well and truly by surprise. Rationally I know that it will be very different to last year with the things that are already planned, but my brain is not always rational. I feel like I am going through the motions in most areas of my life, and I am not really engaged with any of them. I’m avoiding things that I should be doing, and then freaking out about not having time. It’s a yucky feeling and I really dont like it. I am trying to go with the ‘fake it til you make it’ philosophy, but it doesn’t feel like I’m ‘making’ it.
On the brighter side in all of this, Granny Cuddles are the best! Mum, Dad and Bub are all doing very well and getting to know each other. Sleep, as you would expect, is a rare luxury, but no-one is really complaining. How could anyone complain when the face looking back at you is so very, very cute?!