I’m not really sure what to write about this week. In lots of ways it’s been crazy busy in my world, and in other ways it’s been same-same. I was saying to a friend just today, that I feel like I’m doing a whole lot of things, and none of them particularly well. Everything feels a bit overwhelming and chaotic, even though it’s all the same.

The boys are mostly good, although we have had some emotional ups and downs. It’s hard when everything feels off and anxiety piles on, which is what seems to have happened for one of them. He has struggled with his job for a little while- he likes some parts and hates others, and there is a whole lot of time on his own which is not great for him. He is a people person, so too much time in his own head is not great. His girlfriend has recently moved in with us too, and while there are not any problems, it has been a big adjustment sharing his space and feeling like he doesn’t have a getaway when he does need downtime….. and then there is the all encompassing missing Dad. it all just piled on and was not great for his mental health.

It’s hard as mum, when there isn’t a whole lot I can do to help him feel better. We have been talking a lot (we do that anyway) and he’s thinking through options for work, or maybe going back to Tafe to study something, although not knowing what he wants to do makes that a bit challenging. The thing that has been really nice to see, is all of the boys looking out for each other. Everyone is much more in tune with the others and are taking more time to talk about hard things. We have always been a close family, but losing Claytie has absolutely tightened those bonds.

My dad and my father in law have both had some health stuff going on too, which has been hard. They have been well looked after and will be fine, but it has been a not so fun situation. Any big health stuff sits differently for us since Claytie died and it’s hard to adjust to.

Some of my friends have also had big, hard things happening in their worlds recently. Mostly I don’t know how to help, or can’t do anything to help other than be there and listen. I’m in a very different place to them, due more to luck than anything else, so any advice I give is absolutely from the outside looking in, which is not always helpful. It’s a tough feeling when you can’t fix other peoples problems and make their situations easier, but it’s definitely a good being able to talk and listen to lessen the load.

I’ve also been spending a whole lot of time with a good friend which has been really nice for me. We have known each other for about two years and have always enjoyed each other’s company. He was in a relationship which recently broke up, and we are now dating and seeing what happens. It has been just so lovely. He is also widowed, and we really understand each others down days. It’s been an easy friendship from the first and we have always talked about everything – he gets my crazy! I can’t wait to see what comes next for us!