Whooweeee… well, that’s one week down in the new job! My brain is full to over flowing and I feel like I could sleep for at least the whole weekend – maybe longer!? … that’s unlikely to happen given my insomnia, but you never know! As anticipated, my anxiety was pretty high all week, and there were definitely tears and snot – more than once! I have about a million names to remember, not to mention all of the new processes, and getting lost in the building is very real for me…but so far it feels ok I think!
The boys are all doing good things at the moment, and we are all counting down to a big date toward the end of May when my oldest son gets married. The wedding should have happened in 2020, but Covid happened and then our world imploded. Everything stopped for a little while, but slowly and surely we are adjusting to this new world. It’s hard, and bittersweet, but there are also happy moments that make it ok.
In my world, the dating side of things feels more challenging at the moment… The fellow I’ve been seeing came along for my birthday karaoke evening a few weeks ago. Poor man had a baptism of fire meeting a whole crowd – including most of my boys, my parents and one of my sisters and of course friends, all at once. I was incredibly nervous, but he handled himself extremely well, and when I checked with him afterwards said that he had a nice time. It feels nice to have passed that hurdle/milestone (?)… it definitely felt like a big deal to me and I’m really happy it went so well.
I really like spending time with him. He makes me feel good, conversation is always easy and he makes me laugh. But here is where the challenge comes in… he is super busy at the moment with big changes happening at his work (ones that hopefully mean he becomes somewhat less busy) and I am also pretty busy.. now throw in that he lives about an hour away and is not the greatest at messaging and you start to see the difficulty! I am lucky if we can manage to see each other a couple of times a week at this stage and that usually involves a whole lot of planning.
I like him and I want to see what this is and where it goes, but I seem to always be second guessing myself and creating all sorts of scenarios in my head which drives me insane! It’s a very different feeling for me when I compare it to what I had (not the people, but the situation). Claytie and I were together for such a long time and from such a young age, I never had to question my place in the relationship. It’s disconcerting navigating this kind of insecurity and not knowing what it all means. It’s also something that seems to ebb and flow with my general anxiety! … I am sure I am not the only one going through this stuff, there are plenty of single people in the world! I can only speak for myself, and I have to say it’s a weird place to be!
Are there rules for this stuff? What is normal and what raises flags… are there flags to be raised!? I’m almost certain that like everything else, there isn’t really a right or wrong, and I can only go with what my gut tells me is ok…. And while I have to say that most of my days are spent confused about pretty much everything that’s happening to me and around me, on the whole I’m in a pretty positive place right now! Guess all I can do is sit back, hold tight and see where the rollercoaster takes me next!