So very recently I did kind of a big thing… I have been thinking for some time now of getting my wedding ring resized to move to my middle finger. I still want to wear it, I love it, it is beautiful, it is part of our story and I love every minute of my life that it represents… but it feels like the right time to change it, and now that I have started seeing someone it doesn’t feel right anymore on my ring finger. The poor lady in the jewellery shop probably wasn’t expecting the huge tears from me when it came time to actually hand it over, I wasn’t expecting them either!! It was the thought of not having it with me for the next two weeks that broke me.
I have spoken to a lot of widowed friends about their decision with wearing their rings, when/ if they chose to stop wearing them and what prompted the decision. I have found that its really hard to define your status as a widowed person especially when you start to date again. Are you still married, are you single… technically you are both, but its hard to know how to feel it and how to say it; and wearing a ring on a date can make it awkward, especially if your status hasn’t been talked about prior to meeting.
Its also a very personal decision. Some people have taken their rings off almost immediately and some are still wearing them years later. Some have changed their rings and had pendants or other jewellery made from them, others have them tucked away in a jewellery box ready to pass on to one of their children to inherit. There is no right or wrong way of getting through this part of grieving, it is just another step in the process, and when ever you do it its hard.
All of the big things are hard… some of them you expect to challenge you and others come as a complete surprise and come out of no where. There is no way to predict which is which. Valentines day also hit hard for me this year! I desperately missed getting my nasty clearance flowers from Coles – Claytie hated to buy flowers, even though I love them. He objected to spending money on something that would sit in a vase in the loungeroom for a week and then make a mess and need cleaning; but he loved me, and was well aware of how much I love to get them and would buy them for me anyway. – Mostly the nasty marked down ones, that were pretty much at the end of their beauty, but the thought was there! For some reason, this year I missed not getting them so much more than last year. It might have been a combination of the day and not having my wedding rings with me that did it, but who knows why some days hurt more than others.
I decided that these big things deserved a reset… I spent the day after my ‘ring decision’ sitting on the edge of a cliff – literally. I went to the beach, my calming place that always makes me feel better – instantly! I can feel the tension leave my shoulders almost from the minute I see the water, definitely when my feet hit the sand. It was a bit of a weird morning. The weather didn’t know which way it wanted to go… sunshine between rain showers and the ocean was wild. There was no one near me, and all I could hear were the waves. It was incredibly peaceful, and calming and exactly the right thing. I love that we live close enough to the beach that I can just hop in the car at 5am on a Sunday morning and give myself the best sort of therapy… how lucky am I!?