I feel like I need to preface this post by saying that I do not in any way want to come across as judgemental… everyone has a right to live and love in the way that best works for them. We are all different and as long as there is consent on both sides, you do you! I feel like my eyes have been opened to a whole other world, and I’m sharing my observations.
I was talking to a girlfriend the other day, telling her about some of my online dating experiences and how daunting it all is. One of my boys piped up from the other room to say that I should stop with the online stuff if it’s all so weird and just meet people in the old fashioned way… face to face. Now that’s easier said than done, let me tell you, and no less weird!
I chat to people all over the place… I figure I have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Even if it’s only a cuppa and a conversation it’s all new and gives me something to do. I was having a great time a while ago now, with a group of people that are almost as regular at karaoke as I am, and one fellow in particular was quite lovely and flirty. I was having a nice time. The next morning I had a message from him saying he too had enjoyed himself… ‘how nice’ I can hear you say, and it was, however his profile picture featuring his wife and small children put a dampener on things very quickly! Apparently he is one of the very, very many gentlemen around town that are in open marriages…. Upon further conversation with him, it seems that his wife also enjoys variety in their marriage, but it’s definitely not the thing for me!
The whole dating thing is fraught with unknowns! There are couples searching for ‘unicorns’… single women who are willing to be a participant in someone’s bucket list threesome…. I have mentioned polyamory previously as well, and there seems to be a lot of people who enjoy that kind of life style. There are the people who are happy to let you know what number you are on their tally and are offended when you don’t display the right amount of enthusiasm for that! I have come across people looking for a submissive partner, as well as those looking to be dominated… The list of requirements seems as varied as the people posting – something that seems obvious, and yet somehow unexpected!
I am sure that there are also plenty of ‘regular’ people on these sites, those looking for monogamy and true love…. But they seem incredibly hard to find, and a lot of swiping happens before you do! If you’re lucky enough to find and meet one of these people, hang on tight!
If you do connect with a person and start messaging and chatting, that comes with complications as well. Conversation can be lovely and you think there is a connection with someone and then they are gone and you’ve been ghosted. They can also veer into weird territories very quickly if you’re not careful and then you need to be the one that does the blocking.
It’s incredibly hard to work out the tone of a written message… I know my intent when I send my message, but is it received in the same way!? If it takes a long time for a response to come back, what does that mean!? … did they not like my message? Was it too much? Not enough? … or are they just busy with whatever is happening in their world at that time!? Do they want to meet? Or not – and why not!? And if you do meet, when/how do you follow that up!? How much is too much, and at what point does it become clingy!?
I’m finding that I am now spending way too much time second guessing absolutely every single thing in the dating context.… I’ve been on a couple of dates with a very nice gentleman – he of the crazy playlist response ( see previous post – second date also had several significant to me songs play one after the other!). I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him, both in person and chatting online. We seem to have a lot in common and he makes me feel good. He’s not great at replying to messages in what I think of as a timely manner though! And yes, I know that not everyone is as attached to their phone as I am! He’s a busy man running his own people facing business that takes up a lot of his time, and I understand that he has other things to do besides immediately reply to a message from me. It’s not great for my second guessing tho, and I’m driving myself nuts! And then there is the whole meeting up side of things and finding a time that works for both of you… it’s all a bit tricky! Haha…he is a lovely fellow and I quite like him so I guess we will see where it goes!?