So this week has been whole lot of overwhelm! I’ve been expecting it, and it has not disappointed!

I have had week one in my new role at work, and while I was not super nervous about it – I know just about all of the systems that are used, there are a gazillion new people to meet, faces and names to remember as well as the who does what stuff, then there are the actual processes to get my head around and there is the ‘me’ stuff to navigate. I am always the same when I start in a new role. I am really hard on myself for not knowing things straight up (silly, I know!) and by day two or three there are usually frustrated tears. … I knew it was coming, so gave myself some space to feel it and then let it go! I can only do what I can do, and the team training me have been lovely!

There has also been a whole lot of social stuff – Christmas parties and catch ups, that have meant a whole lot of running around. This time of the year, I feel like I need to get better at saying no to things to minimise that hectic feeling… but then I get FOMO (fear of missing out) and go along anyway! … I know – self inflicted! I have also had a couple of very early starts with the boys – one at 3.15am to do a taxi run into the city because of a scarcity of Uber’s, and another to take a car for a mechanical check up… I am happy to do it, but it does take a toll!

I am pleased to say that in the middle of all this chaos, I have managed to start my Christmas shopping and cooking, so that feels a whole lot more in control now too! – other than the sore feet that go with it! Missing Claytie is a huge factor in the anxiety madness… he would always talk sense to me and help control the out of control. I knew that he would happily hit the shops for me and get all the things that I invariably forget, and my garden would always be neat and tidy when he was at home…. And the end of the day debrief always hit the spot!

There are so many little things to miss that the rest of the world don’t really see, and the big family things like Christmas just make them so much bigger. I had the whole family (21 people) at my place for a bbq lunch to farewell my Aunt and Uncle from Germany (they leave this week). It is a tradition that started years ago, and was always Clayties time to shine! He was a master at the BBQ and loved showing off. My boys do an admirable job filling in, and I’m proud of how they have stepped up, but it just isn’t the same…

I am hoping that this week feels a whole lot more settled – although mid week I will officially be the mother of a 30year old, fully functioning, parent of his own little people, adult human – something that blows my mind… I swear he only arrived in the world yesterday!!