The post holiday blues are a very real thing in my world…

I am currently in the middle of two weeks away from work. I have needed it! July is really really hard in a whole lot of ways, so it has been nice to not have work to think about.

I was really lucky last week to have an adventure with a friend. I have known him for a really long time, and we have actually had a whole lot of adventures together. It is always fun and easy! This time, we climbed Bald Rock (in Girraween National park, NSW). It is a huge granite monolith, with a near vertical face. It was a 1.2km hard climb to get to the top, and it was spectacular! I am proud of myself for doing it. We also stayed at his daughter’s place – an idyllic property in the countryside, with fruit trees and horses, sheds and tractors and her very cute (almost) two year old son. From there we went to the beach – which is where my friend lives- and had an amazing couple of days there.

…and then it was time to come home!

The sads hit almost immediately. I was back to my everyday world, and back to being on my own. Yes, a whole lot of my kids still live at home, but they are all so busy and involved in their own lives (which is how it should be) that there isnt a whole lot of time for me; and the interactions with them are not what I am talking about.

I really really miss one on one time with a person who wants me. I miss feeling connected to someone, the looks and touches and just that easy familiarity that makes you feel content with life.… but I also don’t want to go back to online dating. I don’t have the energy for that – and I don’t think I trust myself to get it right! Even thinking about starting again and downloading my profile feels gross!

I know that this is just another phase to go through, but it is a hard one, especially in July! Loneliness is an insidious thing… it coats everything and cycles around itself. It is hard to snap out of feeling that way and usually just leads to a pity party. It makes me feel needy and clingy and I hate it. I want what I had, but that is gone and those reminders are hard!

I know that I am ok on my own, that I can do a whole lot of stuff by myself and I know that at some stage, these feelings will get less again…. I also know that when I am feeling like this I need to find ways to stay busy so I don’t keep spiralling into these thoughts. I have a few things lined up that should keep me occupied and I’ll start planning the next adventure… it’s good to have those to look forward to, even when I know that the come down is hard.