So today marks exactly 5 years since I came home from work and found Claytie unresponsive on the floor in the bathroom. It is 5 years since the boys and I had to go through the hardest thing that anyone could ever have to go through, loosing one of the best people I have ever known. 5 years since my very favourite person died.

It feels like it all happened a minute ago – the chaos and confusion, the crystal clear pictures that live in my mind. The sounds and the smells, the feelings of WTF just happened to my world. The tears and the overwhelming weight of the grief that we have carried. …. and at the same time if feels like it has been a life time since that moment.

So very many things have changed in our world since the 20th of July 2020, and I am more sure than ever that Claytie would have a whole lot to say about all of them. The boys are the most amazing people, and are doing so incredibly well. We have had a whole new person in our world for two and a half years, and there is another one coming soon – and I know just how obsessed Claytie would be with both of them. We have had good things and not so good things happen for all of us – holidays and experiences that he should have been part of, bucket list things that we were going to do together. Relationships that have changed forever and people that should be, but are no longer part of our lives. Business ventures and career choices that he would be so immensely delighted about.

I know that my life would look completely different if Claytie was still here, but I also know that he would be so proud of the boys and I for continuing to put one foot in front of the other every single day, and making the very best of the lives that we now live without him.

So today we will honour and celebrate Claytie. We will have our traditional family dinner of Catfood Casserole (Tuna Mornay to those new to this blog), iced coffee and pavlova. We will scratch scratchies and hope that this is the year he comes through with a big win for us; and we will remember and be grateful for all of the good times that we had with him for the 46years that he was in the word. We will never not miss him!