I was a bit unsure what to write about this week… I had some fabulous social events for friends birthdays over the weekend; one of which was a dress up – and we all know how much I love those! Having a busy weekend also reminds me how grateful I am to not work on Mondays. … I am of an age where it takes a whole lot longer to recover from things that it used to!

This time of the year is difficult for me tho… I am coming up to all of the significant dates that changed my world, and the build up this year feels particularly hard. I’m not sure why that is because for the most part I am actually in a pretty good place in myself. I’ve lost some weight and am feeling healthy, I have great people around me and I am a whole lot more confident that I used to be, but right now it feels really heavy to be doing all of this on my own.

Mostly I’m proud of myself and I want Claytie to be proud of me too. I want to know what his thoughts would be on how I have managed all of this shit for the last five years. I want to talk to him about the boys and how fabulous they are. I want his people to still be my people, our people…. I want him to be here! I want the life that I used to have!

Grief is a weird thing. It is such a rollercoaster! Just when you think you’re in an ok place something comes along to knock you right back down. It’s not even always something that you can pinpoint – which makes it hard to prepare for in any way! I know that the big dates are there, they are coming; and by now I mostly know how I will feel… it’s the day to day stuff that is the hardest… and there have been a lot of days!

Anyway… that me right now – doing my best to get through it and keep going. In the words of a great man… “it is what it is, you can’t change it, you just have to get on with it!”