Let me start by saying that I know that this blog isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I know that I do over-share a whole lot. That is me… it is who I am and I actually quite like that about myself. There are no secrets. I write all of this stuff as a kind of therapy. It helps me to process and work through what I need to ( I actually have a whole pile of stuff that is written and may never be published) If it is not for you… you don’t have to read it. That is OK. Not everything I share is fabulous, and not everything makes me look particularly great – sometimes it is aimed at other people, and that isn’t always great either…. It is just all of the stuff that is happening in my world. I try to be respectful and I try not to be mean…. but I am always honest!

And in the spirit of that honesty…. Ohh boy, this last little while has been a roller coaster! … and not really a fun one! Relationships are really really hard – and unpredictable! And exhausting.

D and I have seen each other a couple of times this week and have gone back to speaking. He has apologised for walking away without communication, and we have talked through what happened. We both said what we needed to say and that wasn’t all pretty either! I do feel a whole lot better about of this relationship now that we have had those conversations. There are a whole lot of things in all of this for me to think about and learn from, and I plan on sitting with that for a while.

At this stage we are working at being friends, and I am really happy about that. I was incredibly sad to think that I would loose a friendship that I value highly. There will be some space and distance, and I think we both need it…. but there is still a whole lot of love, and who knows where it goes from here…perhaps it’s just as simple as our timing was just not right for now! The differences that were there, are still there and will take some work….. and it’s OK. If this is meant to be then we will find our way back together, and if not then it is what it is.

The last couple of weeks have been really tough tho, and I have missed having my person to talk to. The thing with grief (and this is definitely grief) is that the person you most want to talk to about the shit in your life, is the one who is not there and is causing the shit! I am still missing that connection, and it will take a while for those scabs to heal, but I know that I will be fine, and I know that he will be fine too… and now that we are back to talking, it doesn’t feel quite so hard anymore.

At this stage I have no intention to write anything else about this relationship, and the break up (but I can’t promise that I won’t…) My plan is to find my feet and see what comes next. As I have said in a previous blog, I do feel as though I have my equilibrium back to a large extent, and I know who I am and who I want to be. I have a whole lot of friends in my world who I can count on to support me in whichever way I need, and I am super grateful for that.