Well, here is a post that I was not expecting to write this week! I had actually started another one talking about a well worn subject, namely my anxiety! In the words of Eminem… ‘Guess who’s back?!” I have had some stuff going on with one of my boys that has caused a whole lot of sleepless nights and stress. It is a potentially disappointing situation for him, but we will deal with it whichever way it ends up – but me, being me, and being Mum – my anxiety is here for now.

I fell like it has been really good for a long time (for me), so I feel like I am almost a bit out of practice! What it has done for me this time, is take me back to when Claytie died and having to be the person that needs to fix things…and not being able to. I’ve been flashing back to the anxiety I had then and needing to protect everyone. I am always hopeful that by acknowledging how I am feeling, some of the yuckiness is lessened. It definitely helps to get it out of my system, but it is hard work to let it go completely. It is definitely not a nice way to feel! … and it is exhausting!

Part of the fall out of that anxiety and prioritising my kids (along with a build up of some other stuff) is that D and I have broken up. I am really sad and disappointed, and it is certainly not the way that I wanted things to go – but I guess if I know anything at all, I know that that’s life! Things happen whether you want them to or not, and you just have to deal with it.

I have absolutely no regrets about the last year and a bit. D and I had some spectacularly fabulous times, and he is an amazing man. He brought a whole lot of joy and stability back into my world, and helped me to find myself again. We worked hard to try and make things work, but I guess it comes down to both of us wanting different things from our relationship, and not being able to make those differences work.

Ultimately we all need to be as happy as we can be and live a life that’s fulfilling. I am proud of myself and need to be true to who I am and to look after my needs…. and if that means I am on my own, it will be OK. I will be OK! I know what my boundaries are, and I know that I am strong enough to get through anything. It really just is what it is…