So this week, I have been busy trying to organise myself for Christmas- I know it’s early, but I’m determined to get it all sorted out ahead of time. The last few years it has absolutely been a case of fake it til you make it, and pretty much just getting through it, but this year I am feeling much more like my old self with it.

Christmas has always been one of my favourite times of the year. Having the advent calendar up for the kids to count down the days ( if you’ve been to my place in the lead up to the big day you will know it’s bright orange hessian -my grandma made it when my siblings and I were little – and it’s pretty ugly!) , the tree and lights, and all the decorations… and then there is the music… who doesn’t love a Christmas carol!? But then Claytie died and it all got too hard.

The first year without Claytie, none of us were in the mood for any of it. We did all the usual things with family, but it really was just putting one foot infront of the other and pretending that we were ok. A couple of years later we had a huge falling out with some pretty important people and that too was a massive set back. Since then, we have slowly been working at getting better, but none of the excitement has been there for it. The boys are all adults and there are no surprises anymore.

This year tho, I am feeling much more optimistic about it. D helped me to set up the tree and place all the decorations – while the neighbourhood was serenaded with Christmas Carols. I have done almost all of my shopping (and it’s all wrapped!) and I have started on my usual cooking – 10l of tomato relish is ready to go. I’m not feeling quite as overwhelmed as I have the last few years since Claytie died, and it’s a nice way to feel.

I’m not sure if it is the joy of having a small person in the family that is helping… the Squish is kind of big enough to get into it all a bit more and Birdy (that’s me cause he can’t say Granny) has gone a bit nuts with the prezzies; or maybe it is the fact that I’m hosting the family Christmas Eve this year and have to put the effort in ….,either way, I am feeling like this one won’t maybe be so hard.