Well, this week has been back down to earth with a bump! Jet lag has been horrible. A couple of nights I was lucky to get three hours sleep, and then others I slept all the way through… fortunately I didn’t have to go back to work until Thursday! There has been a whole lot of time spent reflecting on all of the things that we did, and the amazing time that we had … as well as thinking ahead to what our next adventure will be! … and then there’s me being me!- I have just had this truly fabulous holiday, and experienced things that I couldn’t have imagined… and underneath it all, for almost 2/3 of it, had been this stupid niggling anxiety!

Just before we left for our trip, on my wedding anniversary (the fourth one without Claytie) actually, I went for a job interview. It was for a positions still with Queensland health, but completely different to what I have done before. It was a role within the prison system.

I went to Wacol, which is home to a whole bunch of Queenslands prisons – Men, women, kids and the forensic mental health facilities. It was quite an intimidating process – I had to complete 32 pages of security screening information just for the interview. I came very close to cancelling the interview at least 3 times on the day, but kept telling myself I had nothing to lose by going.

The interview itself was fairly standard. Questions around time management, dealing with difficult people/situations, my strengths and weaknesses… pretty straightforward and I did well with it, although by the end, I was not entirely sure that I would want to work there.

The role and the environment are understandably very restrictive. No phones allowed in, they would supply all meals and beverages to avoid contraband being brought into the site, and security screening going in and out each day. A huge adjustment on top of getting to know a whole bunch of new people. I left it in the category of – if I get what I want it’s meant to be, if not, then that’s ok too!

A week or so later I got a phone call to say that they had a full time position to offer me, or one that was a couple of days less each week than I could afford (my ideal is 4 days per week), so in this case I declined the position based on the hours, but would be merit listed for future roles. … it felt like a perfect solution – I got the feel good factor of knowing I was good enough, but I didn’t have to make a hard decision about changing my job! I thought it was a very neat and tidy outcome.

In a plot twist tho, the day before we flew out on our holiday, I got a call from them offering me a contract for 9 months with my preferred hours. It is incredibly flattering to feel that wanted by an employer – they created this role just for me!… so I said yes. I got quite caught up in the moment and contacted my boss, was given permission to go on another secondment (something that was a bit unexpected and that I was quite surprised by)… and it seemed like everything was neatly falling into place. I would come back from my trip and go straight into this new job…. Simple!

Wrong!…. Every time I thought about or told anyone that this is what was happening, I just felt sick! Initially I thought it’s just me, this is what I always do when there is a big change, especially since Claytie died and that I would be fine once I got going. In the end tho, I decided that this much anxiety is just not worth it, and to trust my gut. So, from somewhere in the wilds of Scotland, emails got sent and I declined the position! … and I have to say, I have no regrets! As soon as the decision was made, I felt so much better about it all!

I am not entirely sure what I was supposed to learn from all of this!? – I try to look at most situations in a way that teaches me something about myself, other people or the universe in general…. Maybe it’s just a reminder to trust my intuition!? Either way, decision made and I am continuing on in my original role for now! …. And dreaming of and planning for my next holiday adventure!