I was talking to my mum this morning, and she was asking about my anxiety leading up to traveling next week. It’s been a roller coaster, not just for me, but also for D. I have never been fabulous at travelling …. I love the destination and all of the adventures that I have when I get there, but the lead up to it is rough – and unfortunately for everyone around me, I tend to go straight for tears and snot when I am feeling anxious (or anything else really!)

Let me start by saying, that inspite of all my talk of anxiety, the positives of it all far, far outweigh any negatives! I am super excited for this trip and all of the things that we have planned – you’re all going to be sick of the travel updates that the next few weeks of this blog will bring; but the lead up to it (as with most big things in my life) has brought with it nerves and trepidation.

I feel like I have always been this way about traveling tho! I remember a trip years ago, back to Germany with my parents, for my Opas 90th birthday. Leading up to that trip, I made sure to have all the kids photos up to date and I made Claytie write out a Will for both of us … just in case! When Claytie and I went to Japan on a work trip, I had a ring binder full of instructions for each day for my mum and his dad to look after the kids (not sure they followed any of it, but that is beside the point); and last time Claytie and I travelled together, back to Germany in 2019, I’m pretty sure we contacted the kids (who were all adults by this stage!) every single day.

I am actually super excited for this trip – have I mentioned that?! We have the most amazing itinerary planned, and there are things on it that I never imagined I would get to do… and that I think is part of the nerves for me. This is another new, another first that I am facing head on… and this lead up has been all though July and the significant dates that it brings (today is the anniversary of Clayties funeral, next week is his birthday).

Part of my anxiety is about feeling like I am/will be judged- and before you all comment on that thought – I know! …. But I have felt judgement from the people that were part of my life before, and are now no longer. … I also know that it is their loss, that I am maybe better off, that I am not doing anything wrong and all of those things, but that feeling is there anyway. Now, I am not letting it stop me – I haven’t yet!- but I have to acknowledge that it exists for me.

I’m super excited to have this experience with D, and I know I am not alone feeling nervous about it (we are actually very well suited!). I will be meeting his people, and he will be meeting more of mine, we will be spending all of our time together for 5 weeks, and we will really see each other warts and all! … and that is really really nice, and kind of scary all at the same time!

So, with one week to go, it’s time to start packing – over packing and then changing my mind each day until we go! It is one more week of getting through work, and it’s one more week to try and micromanage the boys to do things my way while I’m gone (again – I know!!! No chance! And they will be fine!) … and it’s one last week to ride the ‘anticipation rollercoaster’ before we have a grand adventure!