Camp crash is a very real thing. Spending last weekend with 200 fellow widowed people was such an awesome experience in a very different way to spending time with other people in my world. It is a place where my being a widow is almost incidental, and I can really just be me. This year tho, as I have mentioned previously, I also pushed myself way outside of my comfort zone by presenting one of the workshops. I posted the content of that presentation last week for anyone who is interested. Since camp, I have spent the week both reflecting and crashing. 

I have done a few things to push myself since Claytie died – well, lots actually… every day is a push in a million ways! I have changed jobs a couple of times, and I’ve gone travelling, I have gone looking for a new person to call my own and I write this blog… but getting up in front of 70-80 people for an hour and a half, is right up there and I am really proud of myself for doing it. The whole thing went completely to plan (and spot on for timing), and my friend and I have had some really lovely feedback. It’s a great feeling knowing that someone I have never met before, chose to see my presentation, has taken something from my experience (and word vomit) and its given them a glimmer in their darkness; and that the people that I did know from catch ups before hand have also been able to gain something from it. It is an empowering feeling and I’m really proud of myself for doing it – and doing it well!

I’m also hugely proud of my kids. They have turned into truly phenomenal people and I just love them to bits! They are absolutely doing the most fabulous things at the moment and it fills me up with such a huge amount of love and pride. My oldest son has just bought his own business and started working there (for himself) this week. My second oldest has changed jobs for the first time in a long time and is now selling cars (let me know if you need a new one and I’ll hook you up!). Number three changed jobs a couple of months ago and is so much happier because of it, and my youngest is off travelling and having adventures with his partner.

Change and new things can be hard for everyone, and it has been really hard for some of my kids. The routine of doing what they know has been a security blanket when their whole world changed. I’m constantly in awe of the phenomenal people that they have turned into… I’m their mum, that’s how I’m supposed to feel, but right now I’m just extra proud. We’ve been through some really, really hard shit in the last almost 4 years, and to see how they have turned out just fills my heart to bursting.

So, this week I’m proud of all of us. How far we have come and the things we have overcome. I know that Claytie would also be hugely proud… and bragging about how awesome the boys are!