So this week there was a thing that caught my attention. A new person to the widows group made a comment about being surprised at how many people have re-partnered after the loss of their person. The comment caused quite a lot of conversation, both on line and for me, in person with some of my friends.

The way the initial comment was written made it look as though this person felt like the support group doubled as a dating site – something that is absolutely not the case – although some people have met and connected that way. The group I am part of caters predominantly to ‘younger’ widows, those aged between 30-50. There are obviously also people outside of this range, but that is the majority of the group.

A huge element of the group support comes in the way of talking through the things that death brings with it. Death Admin – banks, lawyers, changing service provider accounts and such; often we touch on psychologists and grief counselling, how to help kids at whatever age and so many other things that come along as part of losing your person. And we absolutely talk about changes in relationships with friends and family – and new relationships that come along. Dating and moving forward in your life are hugely daunting things, and who better to talk through some of this stuff than other people who are in a similar place as you!?

Having people in the support group to talk with about this stuff has been so helpful. What is normal? What is not? Is this weird? Have you had this or that happen? For me it was also helpful hearing some of this stuff before I was ready to go there… it gave me hope that happiness was still possible, and I am so grateful for that.

For me Widowhood came at 46, and the thought of being in my own for the rest of my life was incredibly overwhelming and sad, in amongst all of the other feelings that come with such a huge loss. Obviously I will always grieve Claytie and wish that this was not my life, but I am also a realist and know that there is nothing wrong with hoping and looking for another person to do life with.

Claytie and I had such a fairytale life together. Having met in high school, we grew up together. We had the same ups and downs that everyone has, but when I look back at my life with him I have zero regrets and feel nothing but love. In lots of ways it feels greedy to expect another fairytale, but at the same time, why shouldn’t I!?

I feel like I have been pretty lucky with the dating thing too. I have leaned about myself in so many ways interacting with people in this setting, and I absolutely feel like I’m in a fabulous place right now. I’m grateful for all of the support that I have had, and hopefully am able to offer that to others as well x