This week has been another rollercoaster – some of it good, some not so nice and some really sad. That’s life tho right!? We have no control over the big stuff (or most of the other stuff either really)… all we can control is how we react to it.

My week started with the news that a good friend lost a hard fight, and his family has lost their anchor. My heart breaks for them and what the next part of their world looks like. I wish I could make it better for them and take away the hurt, but all I can do is walk beside them as they navigate this part. It is shit and nothing I can say or do will make that less. I know what it feels like and I am sending them all the love x

My boys world has also faced some upheaval. The voluntary administration in their work place turned into receivership, and the three of them lost their jobs. After a little bit of panic – mostly from me, it’s been an up and down week figuring out what that means and what it looks like. They have spent a lot of time in various conversations, and all things crossed the current plan works out and they will be back in work by mid next week or so.

This is absolutely one of those situations where I am not quite the right parent to come to for advice – I don’t understand a whole lot (probably most) of what is going on and it has all been very up and down. Claytie would have been perfect… this was his wheelhouse and missing him feels like an elephant in the room for me. I am not ignoring it – how could I!?- but I am very aware of how much space it is taking up.

I’ve had some really lovely, and necessary for me time with my widows group this week as well. It is always such a good feeling for me catching up with people who share the baseline of missing their person. There has been an official catch up, as well as some other social stuff. On Tuesday a group of us went to an exhibition that featured one of our friends in a photography display telling some of her grief story. It was beautiful, and the roof top lunch and cocktails afterwards made the day even more fabulous. I’m not sure the staff knew what hit them as our conversation was loud and wide ranging – and then there were the tears! A couple of us also had a meeting this week to discuss our possible presentation at next years camp/conference, as well as a fundraising plan that we have – both are things I am looking forward to and feeling positive about…. Watch this space!

I have also had a really lovely time getting to know my new friend this week. I have been spoilt with dinner and lunch at work, and had a fabulous day at the beach (even with not so nice weather). It has been fun and interesting and easy, with more plans for the weekend -dinner and a show… and I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes. I’m really trying to let myself enjoy it all and to soak it all up.

There have been blips of anxiety with all of this stuff, but I’m kind of surprised that it’s been ok. Part of me feels like I am waiting for it to kick in hard, but the other part feels like it might be alright. I think I am giving myself permission to just go with whatever I’m feeling – something I have always thought I did, but it’s almost like I actually mean it more now. It’s a weird way to feel, and even weirder to try and explain, and knowing me it will all change again in a couple of weeks anyway… that seems to be the pattern with my anxiety!