This week has been an absolute rollercoaster for me. Clayties anniversary was Thursday. It was hard. It will always be hard. The sad doesn’t really go away at all, but I spoke about that last week. I want to focus on the fun things and fabulous people that made some happy memories for me around the sad and the hard.

On Wednesday after work, I drove 2 hours south to one of our favourite places. The thought of doing it had a smile on my face most of the week, and I could feel myself relaxing with ever kilometer driven. Even the diabolical traffic couldn’t spoil it for me. On my arrival, I was greeted with warm hugs and cold drinks, and the most stunning view. A quick walk into town and a most delicious dinner finished the evening.

On Thursday I woke up early and walked up the headland to sit on a cliff and watch the sun come up. It was a spectacular morning, and exactly the right thing to do. I sat on my own, watching the sun come up and the whales frolicking; contemplating the last 12 months and all of the things we have been through without Claytie. It’s been a lot. I’m really proud of the boys and I, and how well we are managing with most things. None of it has been easy, and the feelings of loss haven’t changed at all, but we are finding a balance and we are getting through each day.

Once the sun was up, and the tears dried, my fabulous host made me brekky and a cup of tea. We went for a swim in the ocean. It was just as cold as expected, and made the sun baking and conversation on the beach afterwards even more of a treat. It was honestly the most perfect way to spend the morning, and I feel very spoilt for being looked after so well!

Home at lunchtime and a surprise visit from one of Clayties oldest school friends. He has been a regular visitor to our home most years, but we’ve missed a few with Covid and restricted travel for him – he lives in Hong Kong. He has a lovely relationship with all of the boys, and they are incredibly fond of him. His timing for a visit was perfect.

We had our now traditional family dinner – ‘Catfood casserole’ (aka tuna Mornay), something that Claytie would offer to cook anytime he and I were cross with each other because he knew I hated it, but wouldn’t say no to him cooking. It was, and still is incredibly passive aggressive, and feels right for his anniversary. We drank some iced coffee, scratched scratchies and remembered him. Having the grand-squish there was a bonus!

I finished the week with a Widow support group dinner on Friday. The group catch up was perfectly timed for me this week, and the support just right – as always! Some karaoke and a swing around the dance floor with. Flamboyant new friend finished the night with a whole lot of laughing. I was told that I was gorgeous, and when my reply to that was ‘thank you’, I was told by him, that I needed to tell my dance partner just how handsome and fabulous he was… and he was!

I am so glad that I was able to, and that I allowed myself to have the fun moments. They take some of the sting out of the hard and make me smile. I know that Claytie would have enjoyed the moments as much as I did – maybe not the singing and dancing so much, but certainly everything else! I’m lucky to have so many amazing people that help x